Thirteen
by writinginmyjeans
Summary: Katie put up a small smile, a brave front she knew would crumble soon as she looked at her mother, her brother and his friends. Her family. "I'm thirteen, suffering from leukemia and I can die."
1. Prologue: Thirteen

**A/N: Please review and tell me if I should or should not continue with this. Thank you!

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Tears stained her pale cheeks and she half-heartedly wiped them away. From outside her locked room, she heard her brother and his friends banging on the door, pleading for her to let them in. They were yelling through the door at her, that they wanted to help and that everything was going to be okay, but that was the problem, wasn't it? They didn't know that anything.

Because she, Katie Knight, did not have much time left. Nothing would ever be okay again.

The doctors had said that she had a high chance of getting past it, that she had a high chance of surviving but Katie knew better. She wasn't stupid. While her mother had listened to the doctor with a shred of hope building up inside her, Katie had listened to him skeptically with her arms crossed against her chest and her eyebrows raised. At that time, it hadn't exactly hit her that this was serious. It wasn't until she heard her brother's and his friends' laughter, out of all things, did she realize that there were so many things she wouldn't be able to do.

Wait, the banging had stopped. Everything was quiet. She slowly raised her head from her bed and walked to the door. She quietly opened it and walked into the living room to find her mother talking to her brother and his friends.

"W-what do you mean, Mom?" Kendall's broken and shaky voice was the first thing she heard.

"She doesn't have much time, Kendall," her mother was saying. Katie heard the tears and sorrow in her mother's voice and her own tears flooded her eyes.

"No. That - That's insane. Katie's thirteen, Mama Knight. She's perfect. She can't - "

"Yes, I can," she couldn't stop her voice from interrupting Logan's rambles and when everyone turned to look at her, she took a deep breath before crossing across the room to stand beside her mother. Katie put up a small smile, a brave front she knew would crumble soon as she looked at her mother, her brother and his friends. Her family. "I'm thirteen, suffering from leukemia and I _can_ die."

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**A/N: That is a little depressing, isn't it? Do you think I should or should not continue this? Please let me know in your reviews! I don't really check my mails so I won't know if you put this on story alert or not. So, please do let me know in your reviews what you think of this plot and story! :)**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Special thanks to **_**manaid602, Mudmaster94, TheMonsterThatLivesUnderUrBed **_**and**_** katieswift**_** for your reviews! Also, thank you to all of you who put this story on your Favorite Stories list and on Story Alert. Keep the reviews coming, please! (:**

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**Big Time Rush – Thirteen**

Katie loved her brother. She also loved his friends as though they were her own flesh and blood. She really did. But there were just times when she felt like hiding Carlos's helmet so that he'd spend all his time looking for it, breaking James's lucky comb so that all he would do was cry, tell Logan that he had too much college stuff to catch up on since their most recent tour and break Kendall's beloved hockey stick, the only thing that could make him feel less homesick than he usually was. And today was one of those times.

Okay, so maybe three days ago, all those things would have distracted them. But now, as Katie looked up from her laptop to take a glimpse at her unusually quiet brothers, she couldn't help but think about how much things had changed since she found out she had leukemia. Carlos had stopped wearing his helmet after he had given it to her (a gesture Katie secretly thought was sweet because according to Carlos, the helmet could protect anyone from anything), James only looked in the mirror twice a day (one in the morning and the other at night when he was brushing his teeth), Logan hadn't touched a school book in days (he'd been on the laptop researching about her illness) and Kendall had just stayed by her side since he found out that there was nothing he could do stop her cancer.

"Kendall?"

Her quiet voice, though only calling for Kendall, made all four of the boys look at her. Katie sighed, not knowing if she should be annoyed at them for never leaving her alone or thankful for the constant care and support she knew she would have.

"What is it, Katie?" her brother asked her gently, in a voice, Katie had only recently realized, he only used with her.

"Does Dad know?"

It was amazing how much a simple question could change the atmosphere in the room.

"Katie..."

"Does he?" she asked, now afraid of the answer she would get.

"I think Mom called him yesterday. I'm not sure if she got through though," Kendall frowned. "Why do you even want him to know?"

Katie laughed humorlessly. "I think he has the right to know that his daughter is dying, Kendall."

Kendall felt the anger bubbling up inside of him at Katie's words.

"He hasn't given a damn about us since we left Minnesota, Katie," he reminded her and Katie's heart ached at the truth behind her brother's words.

Her brother was right. Ever since they had left Minnesota, maybe even before that, Kyle Knight had not bothered to call or keep in contact with any of his children. It'd been three years since he last called them and three years since Kendall and Mama Knight had stopped trying. Katie, though, never did.

She called him every fortnight. Even though he only picked up the phone half the time, Katie never stopped trying to stay in touch with her father. She knew he was probably busy with his own family but she also knew that he did enjoy her calls.

"He has the right to know," she repeated herself, more forcefully this time. When Kendall opened his mouth to retaliate, she cut him off, "Look, I know he doesn't exactly deserve father of the year but he still is our father whether you want him to be or not. He needs to know that I don't have much time left."

"Will you stop saying that?" Carlos blurted out and both Knights turned to face him, suddenly remembering that they weren't the only ones in the room.

Katie gave the Latino a small and sad smile, "It's true, Carlos."

"Well, I think you're strong enough to fight this," he said determinedly and Katie couldn't help but sigh. "You're the girl who helped Kendall make an ice rink in California. You tricked James into signing a contract so that he'd stop teasing you."

"Well, in all honesty, it's not that difficult tricking James," she grinned at the tall singer and James mockingly scowled at her.

"You're the reason we managed to perform our first live show and there are so many other things you've done. Katie, you can get through this. If we have faith in you, then why don't you?"

Katie absent-mindedly ran her fingers through her hair, thoughts of the grandmother she had lost when she was eight entering her mind. Her grandmother had been so full of life when they found out she had leukemia. She was only fifty-eight when she was diagnosed. Claire Preston had assured Katie that she would be fine. Katie could still remember the faith and hope her grandmother had given her family. Alas, Claire never made it to her fifty-ninth birthday.

"Because sometimes, faith just isn't enough."

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen **

She felt awful. Her head hurt so much as she shivered in her bed. She felt too weak to yell for help, much less get up and eat breakfast. She sank lower into her blankets, desperate for more warmth.

"Katie?"

James's gentle voice made her determinedly raise her head from under the blanket. Katie looked at him, and gave him a small smile; one she hoped would ease the tension in his eyes. It obviously didn't work because James placed his hand on her forehead. Katie shivered at his cool touch and attempted to get back under her blankets, only to find herself in James's arms at the next moment.

"Wh- What are you doing?" she trembled in his arms. James frowned and when Katie saw that they were already in the dining room. Feeling all eyes on her, she rolled her eyes and regretted it almost immediately when her headache increased.

"We're taking her to the hospital. She has a fever," she heard James say in an authoritative voice and found enough strength to wiggle out of his arms.

"You are being ridiculous," she growled, only to burst into a fit of coughs. Carlos and Logan shared a worried look. Her mother had already grabbed her keys and James and Kendall raised their eyebrows at her, daring her to argue any further. And since she was Katie Knight, she did. "I don't need a doctor. I just need the medicines and rest a little while more."

"Katie, you're looking too pale. I think James is right," Logan tried pacifying her in a soft voice.

"I do not need a doctor, alright?" she hissed.

"Well, too bad. We're going to the hospital whether you want to or not," Kendall said, his hands on his hips, his face contorted into an annoyed expression although his eyes shone with worry. Katie scoffed and with all the strength she could muster tried walking back to her room. Luck really was not on her side that day as the world around her spun and the last thing Katie remembered was clutching her head in pain as she collapsed into her brother's arms.

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**A/N: It's a little short now but I promise the next chapter is longer. So, please please please review! Please please please! **


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Special thanks to manaid602, Mudmaster94, Krazy2LOL and LovelyJubJub for your reviews! Keep them coming please!

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_The family is a haven in a heartless world. ~Attributed to Christopher Lasch_

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Black. That was all she could see. She reached forward to grab hold on something, anything, but how could she when there was nothing to hold on to? Her heart raced as an unknown fear gripped her tight. Where the hell was she? Where were her brothers and mother? Why was she alone?

She couldn't stop the next question from entering her mind but when it did, nausea spread through her body quickly. Was there really a possibility that she could be? How could it have happened? There were so many things she wanted to do, so many things she wanted to live for. How could she if she was… dead?

"You're not dead," she heard a gentle soothing voice say and Katie whipped around to find the person speaking. The voice was familiar, one she hadn't heard in a long time and thought she would never hear again.

She must really be dead.

"You're not dead," the voice repeated itself again. Unshed tears moistened Katie's eyes as she blinked them back. What in the world was going on? "Be strong, child. Don't give up like you're about to. You're stronger than that."

Katie shook her head, too frozen to speak. She took a step backwards, unsure of where she was heading. The next thing she knew, her legs were no longer on the ground and she was screaming as she continued falling into nothing but darkness.

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen**

The light was blinding at first and for a long while, all Katie could do was try to adapt to her new surroundings.

It was certainly strange. Snow covered the ground she walked on but Katie couldn't feel the cold. She felt warm instead, comfortable, when she knew she should be anything but. She glanced around, hoping to get a clue as to where she was. And when she finally did, she gasped.

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen**

_Open your eyes, Katie. _Kendall gripped his sister's hand tight, afraid that if he let go, Katie would stop breathing. It'd only been three days since she was diagnosed. How could everything have changed in such a short period of time?

Katie looked even smaller on the wide hospital bed, her pale face too calm and peaceful and her body thin and fragile. She'd always been on the small side when she was healthy but now, Kendall thought she looked shrunk and vulnerable. Two words Kendall never thought he'd describe his sister as.

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen **

She was in Minnesota.

Katie took deep breaths to calm herself down. More questions rushed into her brain. Why was she in Minnesota? How did she get to Minnesota? What in the world was going on?

Half her questions were answered when her eyes widened at the sight in front of her. She was standing at the front of her previous house. The house where so many things had happened. The house that her father had left, her brother and his friends had spent too much time causing trouble in and it was where the Kendall had gotten the offer that changed all their lives.

The young teen walked into her old house, her legs trembling and her hands shaking as she turned the doorknob. She walked into her living room slowly and her eyes widened when she saw her mother, her brother, her father and her eight-year-old self on the couch.

Katie felt like puking as she touched her forehead.

_What in the world was going on?_

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen**

Logan hated hospitals. He really did. It was a place of worry, grief and despair.

He'd read from many books about the treatments and symptoms of leukemia. Looking back, Logan couldn't help but feel guilty for not noticing the change in Katie earlier. If he had paid more attention to her, if he had kept an eye on her, then maybe there would have still been hope. How could he have overlooked anything?

He'd also remembered reading that with advance technology nowadays, leukemia patients had a higher rate of survival compared to those in the earlier days. And somehow, deep in his heart, Logan knew that Katie would make it through this. Because Katie Knight was strong and independent and stubborn and she would not let anything get her down.

But as he looked at her fragile form on the hospital bed, he couldn't help but wonder if that was the faith he had in Katie talking or his very own vain hope.

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen**

Katie was seriously having a very bad headache.

"Wow! Thanks, Kendall! I love it!" her past self exclaimed as she launched herself onto her brother who gave a merry laugh and hugged her back. Katie couldn't help but smile at the scene in front of her. She remembered this Christmas. It was the year Kendall had given her the bracelet with her name engraved on it. It was also the last Christmas she had spent with her father.

Katie never noticed before, but there was so much love in Kendall's eyes as he let her go and went to open his present.

She watched as a small smile made its way onto his face when she handed him her present. On the couch, her father had his arm around her mother and her mother was resting her head against his chest as they watched their children.

"Oh, Katie," her brother took out the teddy bear she had given him and past Katie giggled. Katie watched as her brother masked his disappointment at not getting a better present and gave her younger self a smile instead. "Thanks, Katie."

"You're welcome, Kendall!" past Katie said as she kissed her brother on her cheek and went to sit on her father's lap. Katie watched as her father kissed her hair and Kendall snuggled up beside his mother as her father turned on the TV.

She just stood there, watching her family and observing things she never really noticed until right then. And before she knew it, she found herself falling once more. This time though, she didn't scream.

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen**

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"She's gonna be alright."

"I hope so, Carlos."

"Yeah, well, I know so."

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen **

She was at the Palm Woods pool now. Her legs no longer trembled and as she walked into her home for the past few years, Katie felt a serene sense of belonging. Yes, she'd love Palm Woods from the start and she knew she always would.

She looked around and a small smile graced her pretty face when she saw the scene in front of her. Oh, she would definitely enjoy this memory.

"Guys, guys! Remember our pact about not letting this town tear us apart?"

Logan's words did not have the impact he was hoping for and Katie laughed as Carlos banged himself against James. The two singers struggled as Logan raised his hands up in exasperation and Katie watched her brother get up from his seat.

"Now we're all fighting! I didn't even want to do this!" he exclaimed as he tried grabbing Carlos from the waist as Logan tried getting James to let go of Carlos. They started screaming at each other as they struggled even harder to pry apart and Katie watched as her past self pushed the four of them into the pool.

"Katie! What was that for?" her brother whined and Katie shrugged.

"Looks like you guys need to cool off," was her smart-ass reply and as past Katie walked away, Katie continued watching her brother and his friends.

James sighed, "She's right. I'm sorry," he said but it was to no effect for all of them were already wet and Katie grinned as James was dunked underwater.

Her laughter slowly ceased. Was she ready to give this up? The laughter her brother and his friends always brought her and the love of a family she never once felt an absence from. Giving up in spirit and the treatment would mean giving up all that. And Katie Knight knew she would never have the strength to let go of those things.

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen**

Katie opened her eyes to James and Kendall sleeping at both her bedsides, Carlos and Logan on the floor and her mother reading a magazine quietly on an armchair. For the first time in a while, Katie really looked at her mother.

Her mother had dark circles under her eyes, wrinkles on her face that made her look older than she actually was as she looked worried. Her shoulders were hunched up, like they always were whenever she was tensed and a wave of guilt flooded through Katie when she realized that she was the cause of all things wrong with her mother right then.

Katie knew from pictures that her mother had been stunning when she was a youth. The youngest Knight remembered a particular picture that her father had taken of her mother throwing her head back in laughter as happiness shone in her eyes and a certain innocence radiated from her. Over the years, Kendra Knight had lost her innocence for it to be replaced with wisdom and experience. If it was possible, those things had only made her mother into an even more beautiful woman.

"Mom?" she quietly whispered and Kendra looked up from her magazine. Katie watched as a smile lit her mother's face, instantly getting rid of those wrinkles and Kendra rushed to her daughter's side as fast and quietly as she could so as to not wake the boys. Kendra pressed a gentle kiss to Katie's forehead.

"You gave us quite a scare, Missy. You've been asleep since yesterday," her mother chided lightly. Katie gave a sheepish smile. "You know, honey, giving me a scare and causing more grey hairs than I need is your brother and his friends' jobs, not yours."

"I heard that," Kendall groggily murmured loudly as he raised his head and rubbed his eyes. Katie and her mother chuckled as her brother tried getting his head out of his sleepy mode.

"Dude, shut up," James groaned from his position. He raised his head too before putting it back down on the bed. Kendall rolled his eyes and widened them when he realized that his sister was awake.

"Katie!" he loudly called as a grin lit up his face and he gave her a huge hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Kendall, you're in a hospital. You really shouldn't be – KATIE!" Logan got up from his position and gave the young teen a huge grin as he stretched his muscles before he, too, gave her a hug.

"Urgh, morning breath," she groaned when Logan gave her space and both her brother and his friend laughed at her, glad that she was up and being her usual charming self. "You guys really should go home. You look like you haven't slept in days, your breath stinks and I bet your clothes smell. I'll be fine on my own for a while, you know."

"Katie, you shouldn't be –"

"The hospital would call you guys if anything goes wrong. Seriously, you guys will be doing me a favor," she teased to reassure them. Kendall rolled his eyes at her attempt, knowing her far too well to know that she was just saying that, while her mother and Logan looked uncertain. Katie sighed, before slapping James awake.

"Katie Knight! You do not hit someone like that!" her mother weakly reprimanded her, knowing that it would make no difference.

From his position, James groaned as he raised his head and clutched it when he felt it aching. Katie gave him a look of concern but James just waved her off, before it hit him that she was awake.

"Hey, Katie," he spoke softly as he kissed her on the cheek, trying so hard to ignore the pain he was in. He couldn't bring himself to say anything. For starters, he knew Katie would feel guilty because she'd somehow manage to find a way to do just that, and because he knew the pain he was in was probably nothing to what Katie was going through.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he sounded weak even to his own ears. Katie glared at him, not liking that she was being lied to. She turned to her mother.

"Mom, bring them home and make sure James gets something for his headache. I want you guys to sleep and rest for at least half a day, okay? I promise I'll be fine," Katie reassured them.

"I'll stay here with Katie. You guys go ahead," Kendall volunteered.

"Go ahead with what?" a sleepy voice asked and all heads turned to the Latino boy who had just woken up. He stretched before his eyes landed on Katie and a huge smile spread across his face. "Katie! I knew you'd be alright!"

Katie did not have time to register that Carlos was awake before she felt a pair of arms around her tightly. She relaxed into his embrace and when he pulled away, she gave him a small smile.

Out of the corner of her eyes, Katie saw James clutch his head for a brief moment.

"You guys, seriously. Go home. I'll be fine."

Logan, Carlos and James stubbornly shook their heads while Kendall and her mother glared at her, irritated by her insistence for them to leave.

"Katie, we're not leaving you alone," Kendall said fiercely as he scowled at her.

"I could stay with her," a deep, familiar voice came from the door and all eyes turned to him. Katie's eyes widened at the sight of the person, her heart beating even faster as he walked closer to them.

Katie looked at her mother, not surprised when she saw that Kendra was frozen to her spot. The youngest Knight then looked at her brother, and gulped when she noticed his jaw clenching as he glared at the man at the door. James, Carlos and Logan stood around awkwardly.

Katie smiled at the man. "Hi, Daddy."

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**A/N: I'm so sorry for the super long wait. My exams are going to be over soon and then I promise I'll have more time to write. Until then, please keep the reviews coming, you guys! They always brighten my day and keep me motivated. :) **

**P.S. Trivia question: **_**Who is the oldest member of Big Time Rush**_**?  
Answer correctly and I'll dedicate the next chapter to you! :D**


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: Wow! Looks like you guys enjoyed the trivia question! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter too! As usual, thanks to my reviewers **_**imwiththeband97, manaid602, Katelyn and kendall, racingrebel17, Btrlover98, TheMonsterThatLivesUnderUrBed, Mudmaster94, JamesMaslowBTR100 **_**and **_**abbyli**_** for your awesome reviews and answers! Keep them coming please! :D**

**P.S.  
Last chapter's trivia question: Who is the oldest member of Big Time Rush?  
The answer is **_**Carlos**_**! He was born on 15 August 1989, hence making him the oldest member of BTR! Followed by Logan (14 September 1989), James (16 July 1990) and last but not least, Kendall (2 November 1990)**

**And so, this chapter is dedicated to **_**Mudmaster94, TheMonsterThatLivesUnderUrBed, Btrlover98 and racingrebel98! **_

**P.P.S Happy reading and please don't forget to review!

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Never in his life had Kendall Knight felt so angry. Unknowingly, he had clenched his jaw, curled his hand up into a fist and he was seething. How dare that coward of a man he hated to call his father come and see Katie and ask to take care for her after all this time? How dare he even step into the room? How dare he even think of pretending that he cared for Katie when his actions have said otherwise for the past few years?

"You're kidding, right?" Kendall found himself asking as he glared at the man at the entrance of the room. The bastard had the decency to look ashamed as he tried looking away and Kendall felt a sense of satisfaction at Kyle's discomfort. Kendall was about to open his mouth to say more when he felt a small hand slowly unclenching his curled fingers. Katie gave him a stern look as she did so, warning him to behave himself.

Kyle cleared his throat. "I haven't seen Katie in a while so –"

"Yeah, and whose fault is that?" Kendall snarled. He pulled his hand away from his sister's touch, willing himself not to look at Katie or his mother as he scowled angrily at his father. Any sense of satisfaction he had felt earlier had been replaced with one of stored anger, hurt and disgust. Those feelings just grew when Kyle turned away from him and started talking to Kendra.

"Kendra, you can take the boys home with you. I really do want to be with Katie," his voice was soft as he said this and when Kendall saw his mother finally relax, he knew he would not be staying with Katie.

Kendra just stared at him at first, unsure of what to say or do when she realized that everyone in the room was looking at her. She inwardly sighed. She was the adult here. So even if it did made her blood boil that she couldn't stick her tongue out at him or yell, Kendra donned her 'mother' face.

She turned away from him without a word and face her boys. "C'mon. You can come back with your girlfriends later. And don't remind me of your age," she held up her hand when Kendall opened his mouth to protest. "I know exactly how old you are. But Katie is right. You do need your rest. And the faster you rest, the faster you can get back here."

Kendra ignore the knot in her heart when Kyle smiled appreciatively at her.

"Mama Knight's right," Logan agreed and immediately wished he didn't when both Kendall and Carlos directed their glares at him. James was massaging his head, no doubt that the arrival of Mr Knight had just worsened the pain he was feeling. "James is obviously not feeling well and if we don't take care of ourselves, we won't be well too. While I do agree that Mr Knight shouldn't be staying with Katie, he is our only choice."

"Gee, thanks," Kyle softly muttered and Katie giggled when she heard him.

Kendra watched her daughter's eyes shine and sparkle at the sudden arrival of her husband. How had he done it? Within seconds of being in the room, he'd made Katie smile and giggle, something Katie rarely did now. And for just one little thing, something as small as a smile on her daughter's face, Kendra found her anger melting away.

Kendall seemed to have noticed this too and his glare dropped, only to be replaced by a dejected frown. If Katie didn't know any better, she would have thought her brother saw her giggle as a betrayal. Wanting to assure him that he would always be the first guy in her life because he had always been there for her, Katie motioned for him to come closer to her. When he did, she gave him a small peck on the cheek.

"Go home and rest, big brother. I promise I'll be fine," she said softly as she gave him a reassuring smile and Kendall reluctantly nodded, though a small, barely visible, smile tugged on his lips. He ruffled her hair, gave his father one last glare and stalked out of the room without another word.

Katie turned to her other brothers and raised her eyebrows. "I'm not going to have to kiss you guys too, am I?"

James shrugged and grinned at her. "I wouldn't mind. Besides, it'll make you feel better since we all know you have a crush on me."

Katie turned red, embarrassed that her father had to hear that, and scowled at James. She asked him to get closer to her and when he did, she smacked him on the back of his head.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Violating the terms of the contract," she answered simply and James stuck his tongue out at her before giving her a peck on her cheek and leaving the room too.

Before hugging her, Carlos strapped his helmet onto her head gently and beamed at her before giving her a huge hug. It was amazing how fast his mouth lips could turn the other direction when he looked at Kyle fiercely, everybody in the room as witnesses to the threats he was giving Kyle. Katie found herself hoping Carlos would never look at her like that. With one last smile at Katie, he left the room, leaving her to think about how quiet he was being for at least two seconds before it was Logan's turn to say goodbye.

Logan gave her a small, sad smile as he hugged her. He then turned to Kyle.

"May I speak to you outside for a minute, please? While Mama Knight and Katie say goodbye?" he asked politely and for a few seconds, Katie felt herself tense up. She watched as her father and Logan left the room and looked at her mother. Kendra shrugged.

"What?"

"What if he hurts him?" she asked, worry obvious in her tone. Kendra looked at her daughter in disbelief.

"Your father would never hurt anyone, Katie. Especially one of your friends."

"I didn't mean Dad hurting Logan, Mom. I meant Logan hurting Dad."

Kendra stopped packing to look at her daughter before shrugging again. When she saw how upset Katie really was, she wrapped her arms around her baby girl.

"Hey, would you rather it be Logan or Kendall?"

"Good point."

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen **

Kyle Knight studied the teenager in front of him, not knowing whether to be impressed or annoyed. For the last three minutes, Logan Mitchell had said nothing even though it was him who had wanted to talk to him. In the short amount of time that he had spent with Logan, one thing Kyle knew about him was that he was shy and smart. Kendall had once described him as the handsome Einstein of their group.

What impressed Kyle was that even though those traits radiated from Logan, it was clear that Logan could fiercely take care of those he loved and cared about. And right at that moment, Kyle knew without a shadow of a doubt that Logan's top priorities were Katie, Kendall and Kendra.

Kyle cleared his throat.

Hesitance clouded Logan's eyes for a brief moment before it was replaced by determination and loyalty. And hence, at that moment, Logan already gained his respect. Or, wait, was he Carlos or James?

"Katie may not be my sister by blood, Mr. Knight, but she's my sister by everything else. If you hurt her again by doing what you did before, I will hurt you."

"You know," Kyle stated rather than asked and he was surprised when Logan nodded his head. "How?"

"Did you seriously think that after living with your children and wife for so long, after being Katie's unofficial brother and Kendall's best friend, I wouldn't figure it out? They never talk about you unless they really need to. Heck, the first time Katie mentioned you in three years was three days after she found out about her cancer. Plus, the little research I did a few days ago helped a little. So yes, I do know about you and what you did. And while I understand why you did what you did, it doesn't mean that I support it."

Kyle folded his arms across his chest, his eyebrows raised and expression skeptical. He looked so much like Kendall that Logan found the next words he had to say almost painful, "You hurt Kendall, Katie and Mama Knight more than you already have and you'd wish you were never born, you hear me?"

Kyle gave the singer a small, almost invisible smile and extended his hand. "I wouldn't have it any other way, Carlos."

Logan rolled his eyes and turned his back to the oldest Knight. "I'm Logan."

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen **

"Dad?"

"Yes, honey?"

"I'm glad you're here."

That sentence made him look up from his newspaper and Kyle smiled at his daughter. Putting the paper aside, he walked towards her bed and caressed her face. They hadn't talked since Kendra and the boys left ten minutes ago but neither of them had minded the silence. Well, actually, after not knowing what to say, Kyle hadn't minded the silence. Katie, on the other hand, was a whole different story.

"Me too, Katie-Cat."

"Promise me you won't leave until I do," Katie's eyes shone with tears and Kyle felt his heart breaking for his little girl.

"Don't say that, baby girl. You're going to be just fine," he tried soothing her. By the tears now sliding down her cheeks, Kyle knew he was not doing a good job. Suddenly remembering something important, Kyle held up his finger and rushed to his bag before presenting his daughter with a nicely wrapped present. He winked at her as she grinned at him through her tears and tore the wrapping.

Katie almost gasped at the sight of the beautiful notebook her father had just presented her. The cover was covered with a collage of pictures of Katie and her friends and family, no doubt gotten from the photos she had posted on Facebook, or posted by the paparazzi and pink flowers acted as the border. The pages were lined and colored red and Katie loved it. She looked at her father questioningly.

"For all the things you just can't let out sometimes," Kyle winked at her. "You are, after all, a Knight."

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen **

_Dear Ariel,_

_First of all, I would just like to say that I feel ridiculous for writing this in a diary, out of all things, when I can just scream what I really am feeling inside at my brothers. Wow, I just looked at my previous letter and realized how bratty I sounded. Anyway, secondly, the reason I am naming you Ariel is because I am honouring my grandmother, Claire Ariel Preston. She was a person I could always talk to and I am sure I heard her voice during my memories at the time I was unconscious. _

_The reason I'm writing this entry in is because I'm afraid that if I tell my brothers this, I'd just hurt their feelings. I can't tell my Mom cause she won't stop crying after that. My Dad is out of the question since he is currently asleep on the couch, snoring like a pig, and will soon be gone anyways. So anyway, since I'm only thirteen, there is so much I want to do with my life. But since I probably won't have time for that, I know there are only certain things that I can do. _

_Ten things I want to do before I kick the bucket:_

_10. Find a friend that is not, in any way, related to my brothers. _

_9. Watch Logan have fun for once._

_8. Make sure my Mom knows that she is the best Mom in the world. _

_7. Dye James hair or any other colour other than his natural one. _

_6. Find James and Carlos a girlfriend that lasts for more than 3 months. _

_5. Have my first kiss._

_4. Start a food fight in Rocque Records Studios. _

_3. See Kendall and Jo engaged._

_2. Have a complete family photo._

_1. Know that true love is real and that it does exist.

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_

**A/N: So, what do you guys think? Will Katie be able to get her wishes? Please review! Reviews motivate me to type out the next chapter faster! Pretty please with BTR in top?**

**P.S. Trivia Question: Which member of the Big Time Rush **_**cast**_** has the same birthday as Kendall in real life?**

P.P.S. You can answer AND write a review! 


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: You guys have no idea how much your reviews made my day! Thank you Mudmaster94, surfergal23, Just me, manaid602, babygirl2667, katieswift, LIV3XLAUGHXLOV3, Waffles Of Doom, racingrebel 17, Zyrillose, TheMonsterThatLivesUnderUrBed, janessa13 and Btrlover98 for all your awesome reviews and answers. :D**

**P.S. Last chapter's trivia question:****Which member of the Big Time Rush**_**cast**_**has the same birthday as Kendall in real life?  
The answer is, like so many of you got it correct, Katelyn Tarver! Both Katelyn and Kendall were born on 2 November but Katelyn is one year older than him! **

**And so, this chapter is dedicated to ****Just me, manaid602, babygirl2667, katieswift, LIV3XLAUGHXLOV3, Waffles Of Doom, racingrebel 17, TheMonsterThatLivesUnderUrBed, janessa13 and Btrlover98! Enjoy!**

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**Big Time Rush – Thirteen**

Being the mother of a hockey player turned singer prankster of a son and a genius daughter, and also the unofficial mother of three boys she loved to death as her own but were the reasons who her grey hairs, have made Kendra Knight feel like punching a wall so many times.

For example, the time when Kendall and his friends had managed to start a fight at their auditions in Minnesota to Gustavo Rocque until the police were involved (She'd been calm in front of them but had noticed that her hands were trembling when she was making tea), or the time when Katie had spent her life savings on Big Time Rush merchandise before their first concert was cancelled (sure, they got the money back and so much more but it still didn't stop her from making sure Katie stayed away from the computer for the next few weeks) and also the time when she thought Logan and James were gay when the truth was that they were fighting over sneakers (in her defense, they were always in peculiar positions every time she caught them together).

The list could go on and on but this time, Kendra was sure that watching Logan and Kendall quarrelling at the top of their lungs while Carlos tried his best to stop them and James, despite the amount of noise around him, was sleeping made it to her top ten on the list. All she really wanted was to rest and get to the hospital to Katie as soon as possible. And so, when Kendall and Logan started hand-swatting each other and James finally stirred awake from the noise, Kendra really did punch the wall.

And she wished she hadn't.

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen **

Kyle watched his daughter rest, her eyes closed and a peaceful smile played on her lips. He remembered the last time he had watched his children sleep, the last time he had been s near to Katie, the last time he was with his family.

His son used to think the world of him. Kendall's green eyes, eyes so much like his, used to be so full of love and adoration instead of hatred and disgust. Katie, his little girl, was careful about what she said around him. Kyle remembered when she used to just talk about everything to him, asking for his opinions on certain matters and disregarding them when she felt they did not make sense. And Kendra…

God, Kendra. She was even more beautiful now than she had been all those years ago. She'd once been so full of life, so energetic and bubbly as her eyes twinkled with happiness and her smiles were genuine and soft. She still was full of life, Kyle had no doubt about that, since she was taking care of four boys and a teenage girl. Her eyes, however, no longer twinkled, but were rather filled with experience and life. In his eyes, though, those things made her look even more beautiful than she did all those years ago.

Kyle sighed. How could he have let all of this go?

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen**

"Mom!"

Pain coursed through her hand as she clenched them, her eyes stinging with tears she refused to let fall. She clutched her hurt hand with the other as all four boys ran to her. She shielded her hand from them, knowing that her knuckles were probably bruised and red.

She didn't know how she could have lost control over something so small such as her sons fighting. Maybe the past few days had been getting to her. She was emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted.

"Carlos, get me a basin or pail of warm water. And don't ask me where you're supposed to get those things, just get them. James, you better sit down. You look so pale, you could give Edward Cullen a run for his money. Kendall, grab the first aid kit," Logan took charge and Kendra watched in amazement as the others did as instructed. Were they not fighting just a few moments ago? "Mama Knight?"

Kendra looked at him, tears cascading down her cheeks.

Logan's stern expression softened and he gently took her hand. "I'm going to have to see if it's broken, okay?"

She nodded, suddenly too frozen to speak.

Logan examined her hand gently and when Kendall arrived with the first aid kit, worry etched on his face, Logan gave him a reassuring look.

She did as she was instructed, Logan's gentle voice guiding her through what needed to be done while Kendall looked on helplessly, none of them noticing that Carlos had returned with the warm water.

"Kendall?"

"Huh?"

"Her hand's broken. We're going to have to take her to the hospital."

Kendall winced and wrapped his arm around his mother, sighing in relief when she leaned towards him, glad that he could at least give her some comfort. And as he walked her out the door slowly, not noticing his friends were way ahead of them, Kendall wondered if anyone else he cared about would be hurt while he was around.

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen **

Katie woke at the ringing of a cell phone and opened her eyes to her father on his phone, talking in a very hushed whisper.

"Honey, I can't just leave Katie. She's my daughter."

"…"

"Of course you matter, darling, but please try to understand."

"…"

"Alright, you know what? That's enough. We are not having this argument right now. You want to be insecure? Fine. But you need to know that Katie comes first right now."

Kyle hung up his phone and forced a smile when he saw that his daughter was awake.

"Cheryl?" Katie asked knowingly, her eyebrows raised.

Kyle nodded.

Katie snorted, "Is she ever going to accept that I'm not taking you away from her? Plus, she's like, seventeen."

"Yeah, well, we Knights are late bloomers."

"Speak for yourself, Dad," Katie rolled her eyes.

Kyle smiled at his daughter, glad that she was sounding like she always did whenever she called him. He stifled a sudden yawn.

"Hey, Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Maybe you should check into a hotel and rest too," Katie said, suddenly feeling terrible. She really hated being in the hospital. Everyone dropped whatever they were doing just for her and Katie felt like a burden.

"Honey, I am not leaving you here alone."

"Aww, c'mon, Dad. A girl needs her space."

"Katie," Kyle exasperatedly crossed his arms across his chest and gave her a stern look. "I am not leaving you alone for many reasons."

"Yeah? Name three that doesn't involve my health because there are nurses and doctors who are way more helpful than you in that department," the thirteen-year-old challenged.

Kyle sighed and held up his right index finger. "Number one. I promised your mother I'd take care of you."

Katie shrugged. "Promises are meant to be broken."

Kyle narrowed his eyes at her and lifted his next finger. "Number two. You'd probably end up scamming innocent people when there's no one with you."

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to make some extra cash!" she defended and Kyle rolled his eyes before holding out another finger.

"And last but definitely not least. Your brothers would kill me," he made a choking sound for effect.

Katie pondered over what had just been said for a few moments before smiling sympathetically at her father. "You got a point."

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen**

"Follow my instructions, Mrs Knight, and your hand would be as good as new in no time," Dr Karmen said and Kendall felt the urge to scream at her. His mother had just broken her hand, for crying out loud! How the hell would she be as good as new?

Kendra smiled thankfully at the doctor in appreciation as she prescribed her with some pills before leaving the room. She avoided looking at her son as they walked to the car, ashamed of the way she had let her emotions get the better of her. Damn it, she was the adult and she was responsible for these boys. If they saw that she was losing control, how would they stay strong themselves?

"Mom?"

Kendall's shaky voice made her look up at him, his grey eyes filled with love and concern. She gave him a small, reassuring smile and kissed his cheek.

"I'm fine, darling. I just lost control of my emotions for a while. It won't happen again," she promised him. The moment she finished that sentence, Kendall stopped, grabbed her by the shoulders and looked her in the eyes, suddenly looking angry. He pushed her down onto the nearest bench and turned to his friends who had been watching the whole encounter.

"Why don't you guys go see Katie? We'll get the prescriptions and then join you," he said calmly, although his friends knew that that was just a face he was putting on for now. "Plus, I really don't trust that jerk with her."

Kendra pinched her son's arm. "Kendall Knight, do not call your father a jerk!"

Kendall raised his eyebrows at his friends, a signal for them to let him and his mother talk. And after being best friends with him for almost their whole lives, James, Carlos and Logan could definitely take a hint. They nodded at him and gave their Mama Knight sympathetic glances before walking off.

"Do I sense a prep talk coming?" she asked teasingly and Kendall rolled his eyes.

"That depends. You wanna tell me why you punched the wall?"

Kendra shrugged, now feeling more like the child than the parent as Kendall crossed his arms across his chest and looked pointedly at her, waiting for an explanation. When she didn't offer one after a few moments, Kendall sighed, sat next to her and wrapped his arms around her.

"It's only humane that you lost control, you know," he said softly. Kendra looked up at her son, her eyes brimming with tears when he said that. He sounded so wise, so matured. When had he grown up? "Mom, we're not expecting you to be strong for us. I know that you're the adult and everything but we're nineteen years old. You've been there for us from the start. I think it's about damn time we be there for you."

Kendra smiled as she leaned against her older son's shoulder. "We'll all be there for each other."

And for a long time, both mother and son just stayed the way they were.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen **

"You guys just couldn't resist, could you?"

Katie found herself asking when Logan, Carlos and James walked into her room. From the couch, her father looked up from the newspaper he was reading and raised his eyebrows at the boys and his daughter. "Where's Kendra and Kendall?"

"We had a little... trouble at home just now that needed some medical attention," Logan sheepishly raised his shoulders. Katie gasped when James and Carlos glared at their friend for his understatement.

"You hurt Kendall? You, Logan Mitchell?" she asked, not able to believe it.

Logan rolled his eyes as his friends snickered and Kyle watched from the sidelines, intrigued at the interaction between the four teenagers.

"No, I didn't hurt him. And even if I did, why is that so hard to believe?" he asked her, mock frowning as he placed his hands on his hips.

Katie shrugged and said in a voice that made Logan feel dumb, "Because you're Logan."

"Gee, thanks, Katie. That made a lot of sense," James snorted and winced when she smacked him on the back of his head. "Stop touching my head."

"Stop being an idiot."

"Not possible," Carlos and Logan said together and in an instant, all five occupants in the room was laughing. When they finally stopped, Katie asked the question she hoped she would get a 'yes' answer too,

"So, can we please get out of this room?"

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen **

Kendall and Kendra walked into Katie's hospital room to find her room empty. Panic engulfed both their bodies as they looked at each other before Kendra dashed out to talk to a nurse and Kendall clumsily took his phone out of his pocket to call James.

His friend answered on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Where the _hell_ are you guys? And please tell me that Katie is with you."

"Kendall, relax. Yeah, Katie's with us," the younger male Knight blew out a breath of relief at this. "Kyle needed to check into a hotel and Katie wanted to get out of her room so we went for a walk."

"Yeah, well, you guys could have at least called me," Kendall barked into the phone and as James apologized at the other end of the line, his eyes widened when his mother started grabbing a nurse by her shoulder and shaking her. Oh no. "Uhh, James. I gotta go stop Mom from getting arrested for harassment. Just, try to get up here soon, okay? She's really freaking out."

"Mom, let go of that nurse!"

On the other end of the line, James turned to Carlos and Logan and said in a worried voice, "We better find that little troublemaker. Fast."

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Katie couldn't decide which was worse - being lost in a huge hospital without a cell phone or the huge lecture she was going to get from each and every of the guys and her mom when she finally did find her room for sneaking away from her brothers. She blew out a long, exasperated sigh, ignoring the weird looks she got for it. Seriously, why did the hospital have to be so darn big?

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**A/n: Okay, so I don't know if that is a cliffhanger or not, but hey, I tried! Is this too long for you guys? Or is the length of this chapter just nice? Do let me know in your reviews! **

**Trivia question: In the show, what did Mrs. Knight work as when she was in Minnesota? In real life, which of the guys was the last to be casted? **

**P.S. Please review the chapter before you answer! I really don't mind constructive criticism either! Just try not to be too mean please? **


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: Special thanks to**_**manaid602, LIV3xLAUGHxLOV3, Mudmaster94, Btrlover98, TheMonsterThatLivesUnderUrBed, babygirl2667, janessa13, xDanniBTR and abbyli**_**for your previous reviews! Totally made my day and motivated me to update asap just for you guys! Thank you so much! :)**

**P.S. Last chapter had 2 trivia questions and the questions were:**_**In the show, what did Mrs. Knight work as when she was in Minnesota? In real life, which of the guys was the last to be casted?**_**The answer to the first question is that Mrs Knight worked as a waitress when she was in Minnesota, which was revealed in Big Time Demos. And to answer the other question, yes, as most of you correctly guessed, is Kendall! He was the last and fastest to be casted.**

**So, ta-da! And so this chapter is dedicated to**_**manaid602, LIV3xLAUGHxLOV3, Mudmaster94, TheMonsterThatLivesUnderUrBed, janessa13, xDanniBTR and Btrlover98. Enjoy, you guys!**_

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_"Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down." ~lizzie15635_

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**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Not for the first time, Katie hated herself for having cancer. If she was never diagnosed with it, she wouldn't be stuck in the stupid hospital in the first place. Her mother would still be at the Palm Woods cooking dinner, her brothers would either be recording with Gustavo at Rocque Records or causing mischief and mayhem at the Palm Woods pool and her father would be back in New York with the illegitimate daughter he picked over his own family instead of being stuck with her.

She sighed, and sat on the nearest bench she could find, suddenly exhausted from walking too much and put her face into her hands. Her hair covered her face from the side as slowly, sobs racked her small body. Tears she had fought so hard to never let fall could not be stopped as they slid from her eyes. Her hands, wet from her tears, trembled.

What had she done to deserve such a thing? Sure, she could be mischievous and cunning at times, but was that enough reason for her to be going through something so draining and life-threatening?

"Hey, are you okay?"

Katie froze. Great, some stranger had seen her crying and now thinks he could make it better. She removed her hands from her face, looked up and glared at the person who had spoken to her.

"Beat it," she growled as she attempted to get up, only to feel her legs wobbling. She felt arms around her shoulder, slowly guiding and supporting her as she lowered herself down onto the bench again. She sighed, too tired to snap at the stranger for thinking she needed help and attempted to thank him instead. "Thank you."

The stranger, a young teenage boy who could not have been more than a year older than her, gave her a small smile. Katie couldn't help but smile back.

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen**

Kyle collapsed onto his hotel bed, exhausted from watching Katie, his back aching as he tried to make himself as comfortable as possible. He closed his eyes, determined to get some sleep, but he realized that sleep would not come easy. He had too many things on his mind.

God, his baby girl had cancer. His youngest child, the one who rarely saw him but still loved him nonetheless, the one who would never fail to call him every week, regardless of whether he answered her call or not. Katie was the child he had missed out on, the child he had abandoned for another.

She should hate him. Katie should never want to have anything to do with him like Kendall but she did. She still wanted to care about him, made the effort to make sure he was fine in New York and never once, had he felt any reluctance on her part.

_She's going to be okay._ The voice in his head kept repeating and Kyle wanted so badly to believe it but he just couldn't. What if Katie's treatments never worked? There were so many things he wanted to say to and do for her, so many things he wanted to apologize for, so many things he needed to apologize for. Things he doubted she knew and would hate him when she did.

He'd taken a life. Been responsible for the death of a woman he had gave a damn about at the time she needed him the most. He lived with the guilt every day.

Could he tell Katie? Could he finally stop being the coward he was and give his daughter the truth she deserved? Was he prepared to lose her before her time was up?

Tears slid down his closed eyes and onto the mattress. No, he wasn't.

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen **

"YOU WHAT?"

"Kendall, calm down!"

"How am I supposed to calm down? YOU LOST MY SISTER!"

"She'll be back, Kendall."

"Yeah, seriously, dude. You need to calm down. Mama Knight can't know."

"I think she'd notice that her sick daughter is not on resting on the hospital bed she should be on!"

"Wow, Katie has a nice journal!"

"Dude, don't open that!"

"Hey, give it back! I found it first, Logan!"

"Why can't we read it?"

"I see you've calmed down. Look, a girl's diary or journal is also her privacy. Open and read it and I guarantee a month full of pranks being pulled on you."

"I think I'll risk it."

"Kendall! Well, you are on your own."

"No, he's not, I'm with him!"

"Me too!"

"How about we go look for Katie instead?"

"Aww, c'mon, Logie! You know you want to what Katie doesn't show the world!"

"I happen to value my life."

"Wimp!"

"I need to get new friends."

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen**

"You're Katie Knight, aren't you?"

Stranger Boy asked and Katie raised her eyebrows at him.

Stranger Boy blushed. "My sister won't shut up about Big Time Rush. She's pretty much obsessed about them."

Katie snorted. "Is she eight?"

Stranger Boy gave her a weird look. "No, she's thirteen."

Katie resisted the urge to roll her eyes, "Sure she is."

Stranger Boy held out his hand. "I'm Blake, by the way."

Katie smiled and shook it. "You know who I am."

"So, why are you here alone?"

"Got lost."

"Do you want me to help you find your way? I know this hospital like my sister thinks she knows your brother and his friends," the friendly teenager grinned, his grey eyes twinkling as he did so.

"And how is it that you know this hospital so well?"

"I've been here a lot for the past few years," he said and at Katie's questioning look, he sighed and continued, "My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. My sister was recently diagnosed with brain tumor."

Katie swallowed her gasp, instantly feeling bad for her questions and of being skeptical of him. He'd been through so much. "I'm sorry."

Blake gave her a small smile and shrugged. "Don't be. Sometimes life just screws with people who least deserves its' wrath."

Katie couldn't agree more.

Blake held out his hand and Katie took it, ignoring the way her heart had started racing faster when they touched and the disappointment she felt when he let go. Together, as they talked and connected, they made their way towards Katie's hospital room.

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen **

"There is no way she is painting my hair red!"

Kendall snorted at James' exclamation. Katie had probably already planned the way she was going to dye his hair red.

"What in the world does she mean 'watch Logan have fun for once'? I have fun!"

"Only when you're forced to," Carlos reminded him.

"Shut up. She doesn't have anything planned against you. She just wants to find you a girlfriend!"

"She always did like me best."

As James tackled Carlos onto the carpet, Kendall rolled his eyes, closed Katie's journal and returned it back to its' original position. Thankful that his mother was in the toilet, he glared at his friends.

"We still haven't found Katie, you morons!" he snapped and almost immediately, James and Carlos stopped fighting. Logan just smiled at him and pointed.

"Nope. But it looks like she found her way back. Plus, she's with a friend," he said. Kendall swung around and grabbed his baby sister, hugging her as tightly as he could while Katie's new friend stood by the door awkwardly.

In her brother's arms, Katie was as red as Snow White's poisoned apple, embarrassed that Blake was witnessing her brother babying her. Feeling her brother's tensed arms around her, however, Katie just let it be and looked around her room, before something caught her eye and she forcefully pulled away from her brother.

"YOU READ MY DIARY?"

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**A/N: Uh-oh! Looks like the boys are in trouble! Please review and tell me what you think. No trivia question this chapter because I just want to know you'd review for the story and not the questions. ****Please? I really need feedback? Did you like the dialogues-only segment with the boys?** I'm sorry this is a little short but I am determined to update at least once a week.

**P.S. Anyone wants to share any quotes I can use for this story? I might not use it in the next chapter but I would definitely use it for future chapters! **


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: I am so so so sorry for the incredibly late update. It's been three weeks! I am sorry! I had writer's block. Anyways, thanks to Btrlover98, xDanniBTR, manaid602, Zyrillose, racingrebel17 and last but definitely not least, RorriMcfly Aka MineiYasha. I love you guys and the next five chapters are dedicated to you guys as a peace offering. Love you guys so much for believing in this story! Happy reading! **

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_Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense. ~Mark Overby  


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_

Katie couldn't remember ever feeling as angry as she did at that very moment. She pushed Kendall away from her, marched to her bed and grabbed her diary. Putting her hands on her hips as she took a moment to glare at each and every one of her brothers, she felt a sense of satisfaction when Kendall gulped, James and Carlos shrieked, the shorter one jumping to hide himself behind the taller one, and Logan shot her a pleading look.

"Umm, Katie?" Blake voiced, drawing all attention to him. "I'm gonna go."

"Who are you?" Kendall asked, not bothering to be polite and Katie felt like smacking him.

"Blake Carter. I'm Katie's new friend?" he asked rather than said and smiled when Katie nodded and grinned at him.

"Well, looks like you've fulfilled number ten!" Logan excitedly exclaimed, only to smile sheepishly when Katie glared at him, reminded once again that they had read something personal.

Katie turned to her new friend. "These are my brothers. We'll be at your sister's ward tomorrow," she promised and her heart soared when Blake shot her a thankful smile. Her new friend waved at her and her brothers before dashing out of her room, leaving Katie behind with her suddenly-frightened brothers.

Just as she was about to open her mouth to scream at them, her mother walked in.

"Who was that boy? He was cute," Kendra winked at her daughter and pink stained Katie's cheeks.

"Oh, hell no!" Kendall said loudly and gave his sister a stern look. "You are so not having your first kiss with that guy!"

**Big Time Rush – Thirteen **

"Kendra?"

Kendra groaned and looked up to face her ex-husband. Seriously, why couldn't she just be alone for at least a few minutes? She'd gone out of Katie's room to rest at the ward's lounge so she could escape the reality of losing her daughter. The boys were driving Katie crazy over some list and since she had not an inkling of what they were going on about, Kendra had decided to have a little peace and quiet. Too bad her ex-husband was in town then, huh?

"What, Kyle?" she asked, annoyed.

Kyle merely raised his eyebrows at her, unfazed by her annoyance or anger. He had, after all, experienced it first hand when they had been married. "You alright?"

Kendra snorted. As if he cared. "Oh, I'm great. My only daughter has leukaemia, my sons just witnessed me having a breakdown and my ex-husband is walking around, acting like he cares for the first time in four years. I'm splendid," she sarcastically retorted.

Her ex-husband frowned as he took a seat beside her, ignoring the crack in his heart when she moved away from him. He sighed. "First of all, I do care. Katie is my daughter, Kendall is my son and you are the mother of my children. Second of all, your sons are amazing boys who care about you. From what Katie told me, you've been too calm about all of this and I bet they were relieved that you finally let it all out. Thirdly, Katie is going to be fine. She's a strong girl and I know she'll do everything in her power to stay with you and the boys."

Kendra looked at him, her eyes, the same ones he had fallen in love with, shining with worry even if the rest of her face masked the epitome of calmness. She opened her mouth to say something when Carlos and James walked into the room. Their smiling faces were replaced with frowns when they saw the woman they considered their second mother with the man who had caused her so much pain.

"Mama Knight, are you okay? He didn't hurt you, did he?" Carlos asked concernedly as he bent down on his knees and put his hands on her, ignoring the exasperated breath Kyle released.

"I'm right here," the oldest Knight scowled and James rolled his eyes.

"Well? Did you?" he asked, putting his hands on his hip as he glared at Kyle, his disdain for the older man clearly obvious. Kyle stood up, rising to his full height, only to find himself a few inches shorter than James. Or was he Carlos?

"Listen, Carlos," he snapped and almost wanted to stomp his feet childishly when James/Carlos scoffed. "I would never intentionally hurt Kendra. She is my wife."

"_Ex_-wife," the pretty boy corrected and Kyle resisted punching him at the reminder. "And the fact that you can't even remember our names show exactly the hurt and pain you've put your family in. Even before you and Mama Knight divorced, you were never there. For any of them."

Kyle growled. "Now you listen here, Carl –"

"My name is James Diamond, Mr. Knight," James dangerously drew closer to the older man, his eyes more menacing than Kendra had ever seen. "And the only reason you're here is because Katie thinks she needs you here."

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen **

"Oh my god, just shut up about the damn list already!" Katie shrieked, having had enough of Kendall warning her to stay away from Blake.

Logan sighed. "I really wished you'd stop talking like James or Kendall."

"Yeah, cause you're such a saint," Katie snorted and Logan resisted the urge to roll his eyes at her predictable retort. "Besides, considering how annoying the both of you are being about this stupid list that I now wish I never made, the fact that I only have probably less than a year or two to live and that my father is here and no one but me seems to want him here, I think I do have the right to curse."

Kendall and Logan just stared at her, unsure of what to say, unsure of whether she was joking, unsure if there was even a response to what she had just said. Katie closed her eyes to control her tears and was horrified when she felt them sliding down her cheeks anyways.

"Could you guys give me a minute? Please?" she asked quietly, her voice filled with pain that broke Kendall's heart. The older Knight nodded as Logan left her room first and Kendall kissed his sister's forehead.

"I love you, baby sister," he said softly, and wasn't surprised when all she did was nod and looked away from him. He sighed before leaving the room, leaving his sister to her thoughts, her worries and her fears.

Katie laid her head back onto the pillow, opening her eyes as sobs racked her body. She's tried so hard to keep her brothers from knowing that the cancer was taking a toll on her if there was one thing that Katie was good at, it was to keep her emotions in check and be as in control as she possibly could. Sure, she was only thirteen, but she had the maturity of someone way beyond her years. She had to, considering her brothers could be as immature as five-year-olds.

And now, they'd found out about the damn list. The youngest Knight had no doubt that they were going to make sure her list came true and Katie would rather die faster than watch Kendall propose to Jo because of her cancer, James dye his hair red on purpose or Logan force himself to have fun for her sake. No, she'd make the list happen on her own terms. Katie sat up straighter, wiped her tears and composed herself. Her brothers were going to back off. Her trademark smirk made its' way onto her pretty face. She would make sure of it.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

"James!"

Kendra was horrified. How dare he talk to Kyle like that? She put her hands on her hips, raised her eyebrows at him and gave him a full look of disapproval. For a fleet second, shame clouded James' eyes before he lifted his chin up stubbornly, determined to protect the woman he considered his second mother.

Kyle stepped closer to the singer, and glared. "You're right. The only reason I'm here is because Katie wants me here. So back off, pretty boy."

Carlos oohed. "Oh no, he didn't!"

"What's going on?"

_Great. Just what I need, _Kyle groaned inwardly. _The rest of the Backstreet Boys. _

"Nothing is going on!" Kendra insisted, standing between her ex-husband and her son, having noticed the angry glint in Kendall's eyes just by looking at Kyle. "James, honey, I appreciate you trying to defend slash protect me, even if it is completely unnecessary, but that does not give you the right to talk to Kyle the way you just did. I expect you to apologize when you calm down and don't you dare remind me of your age," she sternly told the nineteen-year-old before turning to her other sons. "As for the rest of you, Kyle is here for Katie and we should respect that he cares and loves her enough to come. God knows that my little girl needs all the love and support she can have right now."

"But, Mama Knight, this man -"

"Is Kendall and Katie's father and all of you will do well to remember that," she pointedly looked at each and every one of them as she said that and pretended to ignore Kendall's string of mumbled curses. "Now, visitng hours will be over in ten minutes so I want you to say goodbye to Katie and we all will actually get some rest tonight. Say goodbye to Kyle too, please."

After reluctant mumbled goodbyes, Kyle looked at the woman he had fallen in love with all those years ago, impressed and amazed.

"You are amazing, Kendra."

"I know. It's a wonder you ever let me go, ain't it?" she half-teased, and left him standing in the lounge alone, wondering how he had ever let go.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

"Katie? We're going to have to leave," Kendall and his friends sulked and Katie resisted the urge to laugh. No matter how much her brothers annoyed her at times, the ways they showed her they cared always left her smiling.

"It's about time, too," she joked and Kendall and Logan were pleased to notice that twinkle in her eyes were present, any hint of her previous breakdown gone. "You guys are coming tomorrow, right?"

"Like you could stay away from me that long," James grinned and Katie smacked his head. "Ow! Stop hitting me, Katie!"

"Stop insinuating that I have a crush on you, moron!"

"Katie!"

"Sorry, Mom. But seriously, all of you need to leave now or you never will. I have had enough of you!" she pretended to be distressed and laughed when her brothers pretended to glare at her before they embraced her in a five-way hug.

"We love you, Katie," Carlos said and Katie smiled at him softly as she put on his helmet and patted it.

"I love you guys too."

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

"Kendall! Where have you been? I've been trying to call you all day!"

Jo's voice brought a small smile to his face like it always did. Kendall turned around and wrapped his arms around his girlfriend as she launched herself at him. In front of him, his mother signaled that she and the boys were going to their apartment and Kendall nodded. When Jo finally let go, he gave her a shaky smile, the past day's event finally catching up to him. Jo traced her fingers across his face.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly, and Kendall suddenly remembered that she didn't know. She didn't know about Katie and her leukemia, or that his father was back in town. She didn't know that he was about to lose his sister and that there was nothing he could do about it. She didn't know about the list either.

Her eyes were filled with so much love, so much concern. They had, after all, been together for three years. They'd survive the pressures of a Hollywood relationship, the tabloids and so much more. They loved each other, they'd admitted that a long time ago. They could read each other's mind almost all the time, were inseparable when they were together and that was why she could sense that they needed to be alone. And so, after she had gently took his hand and led him to the privacy of her apartment, did Kendall break down and tell her everything.

And when he was finally done, they were both in tears, holding onto each other like there was no tomorrow.

Jo tried to stop crying, tried to be strong for Kendall, she really did, but there were just times when one just had no control of their heart and emotions. She loved Katie like her very own sister. She was, after all, an only child and when she got together with Kendall, Jo had also gotten a little sister, three brothers and another mother. She loved them like she would have loved her own family, if her own family actually cared.

She sniffled and buried her head into her boyfriend's chest. "We have to be strong for her," she said quietly and felt him nod. Slowly she turned to look at him and felt her heart breaking when his eyes shone with tears she had only seen a few times. "But if it gets too much for you, promise me you won't push me away."

"Jo - "

"Promise me, Kendall," she fiercely insisted and almost cried again when Kendall nodded. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"What are you going to do about your dad?"

"Katie wants him there. What can I do, Jo?" the lead singer asked as he jumped up from his seat and Jo shrugged helplessly. "I just don't get how Katie could just readily forgive him after everything he has done. I mean, the man cheated on my mother a year after I was born, chose his bastard daughter over us and just left us with nothing to raise her. He didn't even leave a message or a note, never bothered to call. Somehow, Katie can see past all this. All she wants is to spend time with the man."

Jo watched as he shook with fury and once again wrapped her arms around him, ignoring the way her heart raced just by being so close to him.

And they just stood there for a very long time, tuned out from the world, only aware that they were in each other's arms.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Kendall and Jo walked into his apartment hand in hand to find his friends and mother on the couch, photo albums scattered all around the living room.

"What's going on?"

"Just going through old pictures. Here," his mother threw him one. "That's the Kendall slash Jo album."

Jo grinned. "There's a Kendall slash Jo album?"

Logan nodded. "Sure. They're a compilation of pictures and articles about you two."

Kendall took his usual seat and opened the album when Jo had made herself comfortable on his lap. He opened it and laughed at the first picture he saw.

Jo giggled. "Your sister must have taken that picture when she and Mr. Bitters were watching us. Our first one minute date. We almost broke up that day, didn't we?"

"Yeah. Lucky us Katie brought me back to my senses."

"She does do that a lot for all of you."

_"Whoa, whoa. What's next?"_

_"The trouble couple realize that having no time for a relationship means that there is no relationship I guess, end it."_

_"Did you really think this was gonna be easy, big brother? Jo's gonna be a TV star, you're gonna be a pop star, you're both really busy but what's worse? Seeing Jo for one minute at a time or never seeing her at all?"_

Katie had been right. And as usual, he was glad his baby sister had knocked some sense into him because without Jo, Kendall didn't think he'd be able to do many things.

"Hey, you guys, look! Our boys versus girls prank war!"

_"And this year, I am playing."_

_"Playing? Katie, this isn't a game."_

_"You're too young, and too girl."_

_"And, no girls shall play, so say it Lord Prankerton's Book of Rule."_

_"You guys made this whole thing up in middle school. And that is a picture of Sir Walter."_

_"BLASPHEMY!"_

_"Katie, this competition can get very ugly. And if you get hurt, Mom will kill me."_

_"This is not over!"_

Carlos chuckled. "We should have known better than to stop her."

"Mom, look! It's Katie's first audition!"

Kendra chuckled.

_"We're going to that Palm Woods school today so, umm, just go in and be yourself. No, wait! Don't be yourself! Be an angel who listens and is polite!"_

_"Okay, Katie, hold up the bag of chips and look at the camera."_

_"When you hear the crunch, it's a chip but when you smell the crunch, it's o'chipigans! And when you smell garbage, it's this commercial."_

_"Excuse me?"_

_"This stuff is nothing but a heart attack that goes good with dip. I'd be better off stepping in front of a bus. Of lard."_

_"KATIE!"_

Each of them laughed as Kendra recounted the story.

"Yep, that's our little girl, alright," James said through his laughter.

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**A/N: Again, sorry for the long wait. So, what do you guys think of this chapter? Should I have more flashbacks? I actually enjoyed writing out those scenes... Tell me what you think please! Review! 3**

**Trivia question: Which member of Big Time Rush was a cheerleader in high school?**


	8. Chapter 7

**A/n: To my awesome reviewers, Btrlover98, MudMaster94, Zyrillose, RorriMcfly Aka MineiYasha, TealMoose, Katieswift, xDanniBTR, LovelyJubJub, Luvlee45215. I love you guys! **

**The answer is to last chapter's trivia question is CARLOS! He was a cheerleader in high school! :)**

**This time, however, I would like to dedicate this chapter to those who reviewed about my chapter, _Btrlover98, MudMaster94, Zyrillose, RorriMcfly Aka MineiYasha, TealMoose, Katieswift, xDanniBTR, Luvlee45215, manaid602 _and_ racingrebel17_. Once again, thanks you guys!**

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_If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell._

_ ~ Lance Armstrong_

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_It's a wonder you ever let me go, ain't it?_

Kyle couldn't help but cringe as he replayed his ex-wife's words in his head. Katie was sleeping, once again leaving him to his own thoughts. He really appreciated that Kendra had allowed him to stay with his little girl for the night. It would have taken a lot of convincing, blackmails and threats for the boys to have allowed him to stay. Although, their frustration definitely were not subtle with the glares he had received.

They used to be looks of adorations. He had once been the coolest dad among all the other dads. Kendall loved having around and used to be so proud of being his son. That had all changed when he left his family five years ago. Maybe if he had actually been honest from the start...

Kyle shook his head to get those thoughts out, trying but failing to let go of the past. His life was full of maybes and what ifs. But the ones that really plagued him: What if he had known about Cheryl way earlier? Maybe he would have his family back.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Kendra awoke to the soft sound of a piano playing and glances sleepily at the clock the next day. It was 9 in the morning and one of the boys were awake? She had to be dreaming. With the little energy she could master, she put on her robes and groggily walked out of her room. She rubbed her eyes at the image of her boys, minus Kendall, dressed and singing around the piano. Her heart stopped beating for a second.

"It's only 9 in the morning. What are you boys already doing up?" she asked, still unable to comprehend the fact that they were awake before her.

"Visiting hours started an hour ago. Kendall went ahead first. We were going to give you another ten minutes," Carlos smiled as Logan handed her a hot cup of steaming cocoa. She mentally cursed herself and was about to apologize when James shot her his 'don't-you-dare' look.

"We're working on a song for Katie. We couldn't really just, you know, do nothing," James grimaced and Kendra grinned, much accustomed to the boys' inabilities to keep still for a short while. Kendra asked to hear it and felt the tears well up in her eyes as they played a familiar tune instead of an original one.

Carlos shrugged. "But we couldn't really come up with anything yet so we were doing a cover of a song we thought could give Katie some hope."

Kendra looked at the song sheet they had printed out and her heart leapt. It was perfect.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

"Daddy?"

"Cheryl?" Kyle got up from his sitting position and gestured to Katie that he was leaving the room to continue his conversation with Cheryl. Katie shrugged, trying to seem indifferent but they both knew better. Kyle went out with the phone practically glued to his ears anyways.

Katie sighed, leaning her head against her pillow and closed her eyes. Part of her still hated her father for leaving her father, still hated him for choosing Cheryl over his own family, still hated him for being the cause of sorrow in her family for a long time.

Katie only knew the gist of it from Kendall. Her mother had been and still was too upset to talk about it and at the time Katie had extracted information from Kendall, he'd taken it upon himself to make sure she would understand without knowing much. He'd taken the role of the man of the house and had said to Katie in a bitter tone:

"Dad's a bastard who cheated on Mom, had an illegitimate daughter behind her back and refused to take responsibility twelve years ago. Now, his bastard daughter's mother is dead and Kyle has left us to go look after her because he feels guilty."

It was the first time Kendall had called their father by his name. It was also the first time he had made Katie cry.

She looked up as her father entered her room, his face white with shock as he took his place again before looking at his daughter. Katie raised her eyebrow at him.

"Cheryl's here."

Katie felt her heart drop. "W-what?"

"Cheryl's here. You know, my daughter."

"You mean the one out of wedlock?" Katie gritted her teeth and Kyle tiredly nodded. "Whatever."

"I'm gonna have to fetch her. I'll be right back, darling. I promise."

"Funny. That's the same thing you said to Kendall before you left," unwanted tears gathered in her eyes and Katie glared at her father. "And then never came back."

Kyle stood up and put his hand on his hips, "You're going to let it all out now?"

Katie closed her eyes and sighed. "Just go, Dad. Please. Before I say something I'll regret."

"Katie- "

"Go," she said, not looking at her father, and Kyle could do nothing but walk out. Again.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Kendall walked into his sister's hospital room to find her sobbing silently and immediately rushed to her side. He gently flicked a lock of her hair and wiped away her tears.

"What happened?" he asked softly.

Katie just shook her head and wiped away her tears. "Where are the others?"

"They're waiting for Mom to get ready. Now, are you going to tell me why you're crying or am I going to have to tell on you?" he asked fiercely and Katie glared at him through her tears.

"I'd rather talk to Mom or Jo about this, thanks. At least they won't kill anyone," she muttered the last part but knew her brother had heard it anyways.

Kendall immediately looked around the room and when he found nothing, turned to his little sister. "Where is he?"

"Calm- "

"You're not supposed to be alone, Katie. Where is that bas-"

"If you call my father that word one more time, I will strangle you and not mind spending the rest of my short life behind bars."

Kendall held in his anger and asked again in a dangerously soft voice, "Where is he, Katie?"

Katie knew that tone and voice. "He left, Kendall."

Instead of stomping out of the room in anger like she was so sure he would have done, Kendall laid on her bed and hugged her closer to him. Katie buried her face into her brother's chest and sobbed even harder than before.

"He said he'll be back."

"Katie-"

"I know he'll be back, Kendall. I'm his baby girl. He won't just leave me like this," Katie insisted and Kendall just kept quiet, knowing that if he said anything else, he would just be causing his little sister more sadness.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Cheryl Rachel Ebony-Knight was actually a really good girl, despite what many people thought. Sure, she'd been raised by an alcoholic mother who had ended up dying of liver cancer for twelve years. Sure, she was the reason her father had lost the family he so dearly cared and loved. And okay, so maybe she had flown all the way from New York to Los Angeles to make sure her father wouldn't get too close to his former family. But hey, if you minus all that stuff, she donated whenever she had money and always bought her father birthday and Christmas presents. Of course, the fact that she used his credit card to buy his present really shouldn't be mentioned.

Okay, so maybe she was a spoilt and selfish brat who wanted her father to herself. But she did have that right. After all, he was her only family left.

And so, it definitely didn't please her to note that her father was frowning at her when he greeted her at the airport.

"What are you doing here, Cheryl?"

"What?" she innocently blinked her eyes. "Is it so wrong for a daughter to want to see her father?"

"I told you to stay in New York. Katie's not feeling well, She doesn't need the extra stress."

"What about what I need, huh?"

Kyle narrowed his eyes at his illegitimate daughter. "Now is not the time to be selfish, Cheryl. Katie wants me here. She is my top priority right now. Why can't you understand that?"

Cheryl felt herself growing angrier at her father's words. She flew all the way from New York to be greeted like this? "Dad, she probably doesn't even have cancer. This is probably a way to get you back together with Kendra and-"

"Considering the fact that my only son hates me right now, Cheryl, I doubt that that is what they have planned."

Cheryl still wasn't buying it. "But, Daddy, what-"

"That's enough, Cheryl. You can stay here for as long as you want with me," Kyle said. Cheryl felt a triumphant grin making its' way onto her face, only for it to be dashed when her father continued, "But you have to know that I will be spending most of my time in the hospital with my sick daughter. If you want to come and see your half-sister, then I'm sure Katie wouldn't mind seeing you. But remember this. If you upset her in any way, I will never forgive you, do hear me?"

All Cheryl could do was nod as she kept her tears at bay. Damn the Katie Knight.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

The others arrived an hour later and together, all of them set out to give Blake's sister a performance they hoped she'd never forget. When they did reach the room Blake had told them to go to, however, they couldn't help but lighten the smiles on their faces at the image of the little girl on the bed.

The first thing Kendall noticed about the girl was her hair. It was obvious the little girl had had brown hair from what was left of the short strands on her head. Kendall's heart ached. Would Katie lose her hair the way this little girl was? The next thing Kendall noticed was the amount of tubes the little girl was connected to. Finally, he looked at her face, and couldn't help but smile back at her when he saw how awestruck she was.

"Oh, my goodness!"

Her exclamation was soft, yet excited, only for it to be followed by a few coughs. Her brother was by her side in an instant, rubbing smooth circles on her back as the coughs subsided. Pushing thoughts about how Katie would soon look like Blake's sister, Kendall gave the little girl the most genuine grin her could master. "Hi, I'm Kendall."

His introduction seemed to have snapped his friends out of their trances and they each introduced themselves next. Carlos took the little girl's hand. "What's your name?"

Blake's sister grinned shyly at him. "Selena. But everyone calls me Sel."

"Would you mind if we called you Sel?" Logan asked softly. Sel shook her head and giggled as James winked at her.

"So, Sel," James took her other hand as Kendall prepared his guitar, "I heard you a big fan of ours."

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

_Going out to get lunch for all of us. Be back in 10 mins. _

Kendra drove back to the Palm Woods to prepare the instant mac and cheese she had bought. Katie had complained about the hospital's food too much that day and after getting the okay from her doctor, Kendra had immediately decided to bring something homemade to Katie. Okay, so maybe instant mac and cheese didn't t really count as homemade to most people, but it did to Katie and the boys and that was what really mattered. When she was finally done, she was on her way out of Palm Woods when she was stopped by Bitters.

"Where are they?" he demanded and Kendra gave an exasperated sigh, too tired to deal with Bitters.

"Look, Bitters, now is not really a good time and -"

"It's true then? Katie's sick?" Bitters asked and immediately, all exasperation she was feeling disappeared and Kendra understood.

"Yes," she softly said and she wasn't really surprised when Bitters looked as miserable as she felt. For the past few years since they had been at the Palm Woods, Katie and Mr. Bitters had developed some weird friendship. There were times when they were friends, like the time when the cable was out and the boys' love lives became their forms of entertainment, and there were also times when they were mortal enemies, like the time Katie tricked Bitters into getting money for her blog.

"How serious is it?" the man asked and Kendra just shook her head sadly, not wanting to say it herself. "Do you mind if I come see tomorrow? I wanna see her but I can't leave today. The other losers are taking it upon themselves to destroy my hotel now that your boys are spending so much time at the hospital."

Kendra nodded, even if part of her still held a grudge against him for making her do all those nasty work when she first arrive with Katie, giving him a small smile as he locked his office. After all, who was she to stop Bitters from visiting the one person who had truly cared about him enough to actually give him his first happy Christmas three years ago?

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Katie was actually having fun. Spending time with her brothers, laughing with them as they entertained Sel and getting to know Blake and his sister better had definitely cheered her up. And so, it saddened her when it was announced that Sel needed her rest even if it was only one in the afternoon.

"Hey, Sel? Do you mind if I come over tomorrow? It's nice to have another friend, who is not a boy," Katie grinned, not catching the surprise etched on Logan's face, and laughed when Sel practically jumped at the chance to be with her again. "Great. I'll see you tomorrow."

After hugs and promises of returning, Blake led BTR and Katie out of his sister's room to thank them, only to have them wave him off.

"Your sister is an amazing girl," James said and Blake nodded, agreeing completely. "We can't make it tomorrow though. Gustavo's scheduling another session."

Katie inwardly sighed in relief at the mention of the recording session. Their lives were still going on and she was being assured that she wasn't holding them back. Seeing that her brother was about to protest, though, Katie cut in, "I'll be here. It'll be nice hanging out with Sel." She smiled at Blake. _And you. _

They said their goodbyes and Katie laughed as Carlos carried her and lunged her over his shoulders, ignoring the others' cries for him to be careful. All he really heard was Katie's merry laughter as he raced down the hall and away from them.

"She's never done that before," Logan said and received 'done-what?' looks from Kendall and James. "Made a new friend willingly. Mama Knight usually has to force her. Remember Molly?"

All three of them shuddered.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Carlos and Katie laughed when he finally put her down on her bed, knowing that the others were still far from them. After all, Carlos had had two cans of Red Bull that morning and he was still feeling more hyper than usual.

Realizing that this was a perfect opportunity to scheme, Katie smirked.

"Carlos?"

"Yeah?"

"How about we fulfill another thing on my list, huh?"

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**A/N: So what's the next thing Katie fulfills? What do you guys think about Cheryl Rachel Ebony-Knight? Please review and tell me what you think! :)**

**P.S. Trivia question: Which of the boys of BTR has a brother who acted with Steve Martin?**


	9. Chapter 8

**A/n: Thanks to my awesome reviewers, BigTimeFan13, TealMoose, surfergal23, xDanniBTR, Btrlover98, Zyrillose, LIV3xLAUGHxLOV3, MudMaster94, manaid602, babygirl2667 and racingrebel17!**

**The answer to last chapter's trivia question is Kendall! His brother is Kevin Schmidt and he played Steve Martin's chubby clarinet-playing son. **

**And so this chapter is dedicated to those of you who reviewed and got the question right. :)**

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_It is not love that is blind, but jealousy.  
__~Lawrence Durrell, Justine, 1957_

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"What do you have in mind?" Carlos grinned at Katie's question. When she whispered her plan into his ear in just five seconds, he backed away from her, holding up his hands. "No way. Nu-uh. You're going to get me murdered, Katie Knight."

Katie sighed and was about to say something when her other brothers walked into her room, all of whom almost immediately reacted to Katie and Carlos being left alone for more than a minute. James just looked at them fearfully, his hands automatically going to his hair. Kendall folded his hands across his chest and pursed his lips while Logan raised his eyebrows in suspicion.

All Katie and Carlos had to do was smile and the other three knew that they were doomed.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

_"You're too trusting! And if you're not careful, the next thing you know Super Fan's smacking you upside down with a frying pan and stealing your identity."_

_"Or, your crush has gotten bigger on me, and now you're following me."_

_"I don't have a crush on you!"_

_"Katie, your words do say no, but your eyes say-"_

James clutched his stomach at that particular memory of him and Katie and cringed. How many times had Katie outsmarted him and the others? How many times had she proven that her size or age would never matter when it came to beating them? How many times had she helped them with that smarter brain of hers? Would she be able to help them even more in the future?

The young pop star thanked the cashier for his coffee and sat at the nearest empty table he could find. The other guys were with Katie but he had needed some time alone after their singing session with Sel that morning. He'd imagine Katie looking like Sel did for just a few seconds before that image had haunted his mind for the past two hours. Was Katie strong enough to fight against that?

"You're deep in thought," an unfamiliar voice startled him and James looked up from his coffee to find a pretty girl smiling at him. "You look familiar."

"Excuse me?" Was she trying a line on him?

The girl rolled her eyes. "I can promise you that I am not trying to flirt with you or anything, okay? You just look very familiar, that's all."

James smiled. Operation Get-A-Girl was a go. "You wanna sit?"

"Sure."

"I'm James, by the way. James Diamond." He waited for recognition to hit the girl and when it didn't, he frowned. "I'm in a band called Big Time Rush?" Still nothing.

The girl shrugged before smiling at him. "I'm Muffy."

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

"Katie, you'll be able to go home tomorrow," Kendra announced later that day. As every one of her children, biological and non-biological, cheered, Kendra couldn't help but wonder about how she was going to contact Kyle.

She really didn't know if she was just going to tell him their address or yell at him for leaving Katie alone. Kendall had pulled her aside when she arrived and had explained what her ex-husband had done in a dangerously calm tone. The mother of five had made a mental note to herself to make sure that Kyle and Kendall would never be within ten feet close to each other.

"Mom?"

"Yeah, honey?"

"His number's in my cell phone," Katie told her and Kendra couldn't help but smile at how her daughter knew her so well. Kendra excused herself from the room, ignoring Kendall's frown at her as she did so. Her son was going to have to accept that Katie wanted their father around, even if Kendall had disowned Kyle a long time ago.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

He'd left her alone. Again. For the third time in her life.

Cheryl let the cold water run down her body. She closed her eyes as she let the hatred she felt for the other Knights build up in her. Her father had left her to go see Katie in the hospital only ten minutes after dropping her off at his hotel. What kind of father was he? Leaving a young, innocent girl all alone in a city she had never been in. It was all Katie's fault.

Katie always called to check up on her father to make sure that they still kept in touch. Why couldn't she understand that Kyle wanted nothing to do with her? The only reason he even answered half her calls was because he felt like he needed to. Cheryl knew better. Kyle was her father. He had no obligations to Katie or Kendra or even Kendall. They were his past and Cheryl was Kyle's future.

Cheryl opened her eyes and stepped out of the shower before wrapping a piece of thin towel around her wet body. The coldness still made hairs on her body stand but she couldn't care less. She had to think of a way to separate the Kyle and Katie before it was too late. Before she lost him to them forever.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

"Katie?"

"Kyle? It's Kendra, actually."

"Oh."

"Yeah, umm, Katie will be discharged tomorrow so you might as well just come over to the Palm Woods then."

"The hotel for the future famous?"

"You know about the Palm Woods?"

"Yeah, Katie told me about the place when you guys first moved there. She e-mailed me the address."

"Okay, well, I'll text you the address so -"

"That's okay. I'll just check my e-mail."

"What?"

"I'll just check my e-mail and retrieve the address."

"You keep Katie's e-mails?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. Okay. I got to go. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Why can't I just come over now? I'll be there in like ten minutes."

"I don't think so."

"Excuse me?"

"Katie was in tears after you left her and Kendall found her like that when he came in. He's not happy."

"None of you can keep her from me. She's my daughter, Kendra."

"We're not keeping you from her, okay? I told you about her being discharged, didn't I? You just have to understand both your children right now, Kyle. Katie needs time to calm herself down. She doesn't want to say something she'll regret."

"Don't raise your voice at me. My daughter has little time left. I want to- "

"Our daughter also doesn't want her brother to get into a fight with her father. Please, Kyle, just come tomorrow, okay?"

"Goodbye, Kendra."

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Kyle hung up the phone, his hand curled tightly into a fist. It was a habit he had attained when he was a little boy. He would get angry, try to control it by curling his fist and then end up punching someone anyway. Kendra had tried to rid him of it when they were married by sliding her hand into his, and that had worked. But then they got divorced and Kyle had no one to hold on to.

He stopped walking and closed his eyes, not giving a damn about the people staring at him. He'd stopped giving a damn about a lot of things a long time ago.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

"Dad?"

Cheryl couldn't believe her eyes when her father stepped into her hotel room only half an hour after he had left. Had he finally come to his senses? Had he finally seen that she was the only one he needed? Or better yet, had Katie finally died?

"Katie's being discharged tomorrow. I'll go see her then."

Cheryl was careful not to let her disappointment show. That bitch was stealing her father away tomorrow. As her father rested his head on the sofa and closed his eyes, Cheryl turned away from him, a plan quickly fixing itself up in her head. Slowly, a small smirk settled on her lips. Her mother would have been proud.

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**A/N: This chapter was kinda short but I really wanted to update this story so my apologies if this chapter was not up to usual expectations. Please review! **


	10. Chapter 9

**A/n: I am so sorry for the long wait, you guys. I just got into my new junior college and I'm just starting to get used to college life and stuff. It's such a huge leap from secondary school and I am so exhausted. Soooo sorry! **

**Once again, thanks to my amazing reviewers, xDanniBTR, BigTimeFan13, Btrlover98, surfergal23, dreamalittlebigger (love your DP, btw!), Zyrillose, MudMaster94, racingrebel17, Luvlee45215 and brgtzn1029! Hope you guys will be sticking by me and the future chapters despite my inability to update regularly. **

**P.S. This chapter contains a few swearing words so beware, i guess. **

**P.P.S Anyone seen the lated 'Oh Yeah' music video? I almost fainted. BTR = Utter Gorgeousness!**

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_There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.  
_~ Josh Billings

* * *

Kendall watched his sister laugh with his friends and couldn't help but frown when he realized that she was forcing her smiles. Ever since Kyle had left earlier that day, Katie had either been too quiet or too inattentive. She was feeling guilty for whatever she had said to her father, and Kendall hated that Kyle could still make a member of his family feel that way. Kyle had no right making Katie feel that way. He obviously didn't care, so why did Katie?

"Kendall?"

The blonde singer looked at his sister. "Yeah?"

"You guys are going to have to leave soon. It's almost nine."

Damn those hospital rules and visiting hours. How exactly was he supposed to watch over his sister and make sure that she was okay if they didn't allow him to be with her?

As if he was reading Kendall's mind, Logan said, "Dude, we'll be back tomorrow to finally get Katie home. Let's not give the nurses any more headaches, okay?"

Kendra snorted at this and the boys smirked while Katie rolled her eyes. Ever since Katie had been admitted, the boys and Kendra had really caused havoc among the nurses. Kendra had almost strangled one when Katie had gone missing on the first day she had been admitted, another had been so annoyed by the boys' requests of getting Katie things that she had asked for the rest of the week off and Katie's personal nurse had been hit on the head by a bottle cap when Katie and her brothers had decided to play hockey in her room. Katie had thought it was hilarious, even if the nurses that came into her room either glared at her or her brothers.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Katie felt her hands shaking as she got her diary from under her pillow. She smiled as she remembered the way she had caught her brothers reading her diary. Whoever had taken it had left the diary facing up - a way Katie had never left it.

_Dear Ariel,_

_I still don't know why I'm writing to you when I know my brothers are going to read you sooner or later, be it whether I'm still alive or already dead. Strangely, though, I don't really care. Dad was right. I really do need a place to let out all things I just can't let go. _

_Dad left again today for Cheryl. I told him to leave and not come back and I'm feeling really guilty now. I mean, what if he really doesn't come back? What if Kendall was right? Do I really mean that little to him? I know the answer to that. No, I don't. I mean the world to my father. Yeah, it hasn't been evident these past few years but my dad still does loves the three of us as much, or probably even more, as he did before he left Mom, before Cheryl. _

_I don't have anything against Cheryl. Really, I don't. I mean, she didn't even know about Dad until her mother died. I had eight amazing years with a happy family while she spent her twelve years dodging an abusive and evil mother who didn't really give a damn about her. I remember pitying her before Kendall had told me that she was the reason that Dad had left us. Honestly though, she is probably the most spoiled person I have ever met. I've had a few... interesting conversations with her over the phone every time I wanted to talk to Dad. She's insecure, I guess. _

_Kendall's still angry at Dad after all these years. And I guess if I were in his shoes, I would be too. He was forced to grow up at age fourteen. He'd assigned himself as the man of the house, promised that he'd protect me and mom no matter what and got a job (even if Mom had told him it wouldn't be necessary). He'd been teased at when we were still in Minnesota (kids could be really mean) and he was the one who had stayed up, trying to be strong as Mom cried every night. He never cried in front of me or Mom, but I know (an am quietly relieved) that he loses control in front of Carlos, Logan and James. I've seen him breaking down before, even if he doesn't know that I know. _

_Mom's no longer angry but she's still hurt. She'd loved Dad and finding out that he had cheated on her without ever meaning to admit it had broke her. I remember her being depressed for a long while. I think that if she hadn't had me and Kendall (and the other guys), she would have slipped further into depression. But my mother is not a selfish woman. Ever since Kendall was born, he had been the top priority in her life. And after she had me, I guess I shared the same spot as Kendall. So she picked herself up. Not for herself, but for us. Because if she fell apart, we would have nobody else to depend on. And it is for that that my mother would always be my number one hero. _

_My mother and brothers often wonder how I could still be willing to keep in contact with Dad. I guess I just have a hard time letting go. Trust me, I have tried being angry. And there have been times when I actually thought that I hated my father (like the time Kendall had explained to me the reason my father had left us.). But then I'd think back to the time he had taught me how to ride a bike. He'd taught me my first prank, brought me to my first movie and had calmed my mother down when I got into my first fight when I was seven (in my defense, Dana Hamilton had called me a devil). So maybe he'd always be the man who left my mother, brother and me but he'll also always be the man my brother had looked up to, the man I had looked up to and will always love as my father. _

_So, you know what? Screw the 10 things list. The only thing I want is for my family to spend one meal together without bickering, without Kendall glaring at my father or clenching his fist, and without any feelings of hatred and animosity that have build up over the years. I want my family to forgive each other, know that they love each other and stick by each other even after I'm gone. It won't be easy, but it's not going to be impossible. I am, after all, Katie Knight. _

_Getting her family together,  
Katie Knight_

_P.S. I am going need help though. _

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Katie was practically bouncing as her mother and brother settled some administration stuff at the counter, a large smile plastered on her face that wouldn't leave no matter how hard she tried to put it down. She was just so happy to finally be released from the hospital. No more tubes, no more grumpy nurses and no more troubling the people she loved to visit her.

The downside to going home would be not being able to see Blake and Sel as often as she'd liked but she had promised them that she would visit whenever she could, which would be often. Katie had hugged Sel and had slipped a list of pranks the little girl would be able to play into her hands. Blake had jokingly said that he would have to be aware of his little sister now. Katie and Sel had just smirked, knowing that they were the only ones who knew the truth behind his statement.

"Alright, darling. You ready to head home?"

Kendall laughed affectionately when his sister gave their mother a pointed look.

"Katie!"

Katie turned around, her heart racing as Blake raced towards her, ignoring the dirty looks the nurses and patients were giving him. He stopped in front of her and held out a small, palm-sized kitten key chain.

"From me and Sel," he panted and Katie could only accept it quietly, touched by the gesture. She smiled softly at him and he grinned back. "So, umm, I'll see you around then. You'll visit, right?"

"Everyday," she promised.

"Great," he quickly kissed her cheek and waved goodbye before rushing off as fast as he could.

Katie just stood there, her hand on the cheek he had kissed, too shocked to do anything else while Kendall started muttering under his breath about hormonal teenage boys as her mother just aww-ed.

"Who is that boy?"

Kendra and Kendall spun around. The mother of two plus three's eyes widened, shock now clouding her own face as anger almost immediately clouded Kendall's.

"Kyle?"

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Cheryl was furious. She'd awoke to an empty hotel room with only a note from her father saying that he had gone to fetch Katie from the hospital. Frustration pulsed through her skinny body and her hands shook as she crumpled the note in her hands. Unwanted tears gathered in her eyes and the next thing she knew, her clenched fists were bleeding as she punched them into the wall for the second time. He'd left her again. For that bitch who was faking her cancer.

Katie would pay for doing this to her. She'd had Kyle for eight years. She'd been loved and cared for since she was born while Cheryl had to clean up after her drunk, abusive mother. Katie had never gone to bed hungry. Cheryl had gone to without an empty stomach only when she was lucky. She'd suffered more that Katie. She deserved more than Katie. So why was it that she was being treated like crap again?

_"You ungrateful, ugly, little bitch. It's no wonder your bastard father left me. He knew what a fucking burden you'd be to me."_

Her mother's words still played, loud and clear, in her head even after all these years. Starla Ebony had died from drug overdose five years ago, but her filthy mouth somehow still lived on.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

"Why are you doing this?"

Kendall crossed his arms across his chest as Kyle loaded Katie's things into the car boot.

"Excuse me? Doing what exactly?"

Kendall glared at the man he had once looked up to. "Why are you raising Katie's hopes up when you're just going to bring her down in the end?"

"Kendall, I'm not -"

"If Katie wasn't sick, you wouldn't even be here right now," the younger Knight stated, and smugly raised his eyebrows at Kyle when the older man seemed to realise the truth to his statement. "When she gets better, you're just going to leave and the only proof we'll have of you being alive is through the monthly, or maybe even yearly, phone calls that you and Katie would have. So stop it. Stop coming by, stop acting like you care. Stop trying to be the father you failed to be."

Kendall made to get into the car but Kyle stopped him by grabbing him roughly by the shoulders.

"I'm not trying to bring Katie down. I can promise you that," Kyle gritted. Kendall shrugged him off and raised his chin in defiance.

"And I'm not eight anymore, Kyle. Your promises mean shit to me."

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Katie had never been more relieved when she reached Palm Woods. The car ride from the hospital had been too tensed. Her mother had been quiet while she and her father spoke to each other about nothing and everything. Kendall had joined in, only when he saw an opportunity to take not-so-subtle jabs at Kyle. Kendra would then reprimand him, Katie would glare, Kendall would just shrugged and then Kyle would continue talking to her as though their conversation had not been interrupted.

The moment she had entered the Palm Woods lobby, however, she had not expected to be picked up and hugged by the giant hotel manager. Bitters had muttered something about Palm Woods losers keeping him busy while Katie had been concerned about breathing. She had never been more thankful when Jo had squealed her name and Bitters had had no choice but to let go.

"She must be Jo," Kyle said and Kendra turned to him, surprised and waiting for an explanation. He rolled his eyes. "Katie told me about her in her first Palm Woods e-mail."

He remembered. Kendra couldn't help but feel touched that he remembered. Slowly, some of her previous tension melted away and she gave him a small, almost invisible ghost of a smile. It did not matter though. Kyle saw it and his own spirits rose a little.

"Where are the guys?" Kendall asked Jo, completely ignoring his father.

"In your apartment," she glanced curiously at Kyle and grinned apologetically when Kendall grabbed her and Katie and headed towards the elevator.

"Mom, you coming?"

"Give me a minute. I need to talk to your father."

Katie's heart soared. Were things finally going to be okay?

"Sad excuse of a father," Kendall muttered as the lift doors closed, less than thrilled.

"Kendall!"

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

"So why weren't the guys at the hospital again?"

"Gustavo needed them."

"Kendall, you can't possibly be mad even after what he's done?"

Kendall threw the keys onto the coffee table and glared at his sister. He didn't need to ask to know who she was referring to. Jo kissed her boyfriend on the cheek and told them she'd be back in a while, wanting to give them some privacy.

"You're expecting me to put behind every thing he's done just because he decided to_ fetch_ us?"

"Well, at least someone's putting in effort to be forgiven," Katie snarled.

"Well, if he wants forgiveness, he's going to have do more than that!"

"You're being childish!" Katie yelled. "Why can't you just let go of the damn past? Dad's trying his best to be here for me! Stop pushing him away!"

"If he's really genuine about being here for you, he won't leave! And I'm sorry if I can't let go of the past, okay? He wasn't there for you when kids teased you about having a cheating, abandoning father. He answered your calls one out of every four times you called him. He chose his bastard daughter over the three of us! So don't you dare tell me to FORGIVE HIM BECAUSE EVEN IF I COULD, I WON'T! I REFUSE TO."

"Dude, if you don't stop yelling at your sister, you will have no one to play hockey with for the next three weeks."

Katie smiled at Logan through her tears as he, James and Carlos walked through the door. Kendall huffed and stormed past them straight out of the apartment. Tears moistened Katie's eyes and she leaned into Carlos' embrace when he put his arms around her.

"What's wrong with him?"

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

"Thank you."

That was the last thing Kyle had expected to hear from her mouth.

"Excuse me?"

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**A/N: Please please please review! 3**


	11. Chapter 10

**A/n: My most heartfelt**** thanks to my valued reviewers, xDanniBTR, BigTimeFan13, Btrlover98, surfergal23, dreamalittlebigger, PenNameThatJustScreamsNinja, Savelina-Moana , it's-an-Alice-thing and Sara jenfers! You're the reason I'm still writing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart :)**

**P.S. This chapter contains a few swearing words so beware, i guess.**

**P.P.S This chapter is dedicated to Ana. **

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"A closed mind will only lead to closed doors."  
~ Anonymous

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"Thank you."

That was the last thing Kyle had expected to hear from her mouth.

"Excuse me?"

"For being here for Katie."

Kyle shook his head, suddenly tired of the issue of him being around for Katie. He put his arm on his ex-wife's shoulders, ignoring the way his heart beat faster when he felt her tense at his touch. Determined to get his point across, to get her to trust him again, Kyle kept his hands on her, and almost screamed in relief when she slowly relaxed. He smiled softly at her.

"Get this into your head, Kendra. And if you could it into Kendall's, that'd be great too," he chuckled humorlessly and Kendra shrugged helplessly. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? Katie needs me, and I'm here to stay. For however long it takes for her to get better. And although it would be nice to get everyone on my side, especially yours and Kendall's, I really don't care about anyone else but my daughter. It's your problems if you don't want me here."

Hurt overwhelmed her and Kendra shrugged him off. She motioned for him to stop talking as she reigned in her anger, composed herself and full on glared at him with all the energy she could muster. A sick sense of satisfaction coursed through her when he stepped back and his eyes widened as he realized that he had said something wrong.

"Of course, it all comes down who _doesn't_ matter, doesn't it?"

"Kendra, that's not -"

"Why in the world must you phrase your words that way?"

"I can't help it. You know I'm not good with words!"

"Then don't say anything, you jackass!" she was already on the verge of tears, "I thought you were going to reassure me, tell me that everything is going to be fine and that you will always be here, even after Katie recovers."

Kyle had no doubt that they were attracting the attention of many but somehow, he couldn't care less. He was beyond angry right then. Every single thing he did, every single thing he said, was wrong.

"I can't do that because I don't even know myself, Kendra!"

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Kendall watched as his parents shouted at each other in the lobby, too exasperated to even bother stopping them. He felt as though he was in Minnesota again, his parents fighting as he tried to keep his sister away from the reality of their soon-to-be broken home. He shook his head and walked towards the Palm Woods exit before he suddenly stopped, his eyes widening. He curled his fist as anger coursed through his body.

He'd have to protect his sister again. He'd do it. He'd keep her from this crap, from his parents' fights just like he did all those years ago. Katie did not need an extra reason to be upset and right then, he realized that by fighting with his sister, he was doing her more harm than good. He'd been selfish. Instead of being the person she could turn to, the person she had looked up to all her life, he'd walked away from her. Nostalgia gripped him tight. Oh, god. He'd turned into his father.

Ironically, it was that thought that made him run away from the Palm Woods even faster.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Cheryl was not surprised when she discovered that the family her father had abandoned lived at the Palm Woods Hotel. She knew that Kendall was a quarter of Big Time Rush and she obviously knew how successful they were. Anyone who hadn't been living under a rock would know about them. The only difference between her and everyone else was that she hated them more as they became more and more famous by through the years. She'd loathed all their songs, criticized them when her friends gushed and torn out any newspaper or magazine articles or posters about them. So, no, she was not surprised when she walked into an elegant-looking lobby. What she was surprised about, though, was her father having a shouting match with the woman she despised, Kendra.

Almost immediately, a smirk spread across her pretty face, giving her a more sinister look. Kendra and Kyle were fighting. That had to be a good sign. It meant that they were not getting along. They would not be able to put their past behind them and forgive each other. They were both too hurt by each other, too broken. It was too bad that Katie wouldn't be able to see the true state of her family before she died.

Speaking of Katie, Cheryl had some unfinished business to do.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Katie was halfway through telling Carlos and James about her release from the hospital and the drama between her brother and parents in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Logan had left a few minutes after Kendall did to make sure he was okay. Carlos excused himself to answer the door and Katie stopped her recount, a huge sigh escaping her as she leaned her head on James' shoulder and closed her eyes, the day's events already taking a toll on her. She smiled when her 'brother' put his arm around her and pulled her closer to him so she could get more comfortable.

"You wanna lay down in your room?" he asked gently and Katie shook her head, happy enough with her current position. "Of course you don't. You love my muscles. Admit it," James teased and Katie punched him lightly on his arm.

"Sure do. They're so soft," she retorted and laughed at James' pout.

Carlos walked into room then, a confused expression on his face as somebody followed him into the room. Katie's eyes widened at the entrance of the newcomer, her heart beating so hard her ears actually hurt as she stood up and Carlos stood protectively behind her, James joining him with his own confused look.

"Cheryl? What are you doing here?"

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

He ended up at the Rocque Records, drenched in sweat as his muscles ached and his chest hurt as he struggled to regain his breathing. Nobody was there and Kendall couldn't help but appreciate the privacy he was getting.

Finding a corner of the room he could lean himself against, he slid down against the wall, tears clouding his eyes and his heart aching as though it was being stomped on. He closed them, willing them not to flow. He couldn't lose control. Not now. Not when Katie needed him the most. His parents were obviously not going to be mature. They never were when they were around each other. It was all up to him now. Katie was his sister and he would protect her. That was how it always had been and how it always would be. He was strong enough for them both when Kyle left, he would be strong enough when that bastard leaves again. Why then, did he feel so weak and vulnerable? Oh yeah, because he had hurt Katie and made her cry, something he had sworn he wouldn't ever do.

"Didn't we agree to not keep it all in?" a soft voice prodded him gently and he looked up to find his girlfriend and one of his best friends giving him a look of disapproval. Kendall hastily wiped his eyes and shrugged, not moving from his position and feeling slightly annoyed when Jo made herself comfortable on his right and Logan made his on his left.

"You're not the only one who's worried about Katie, you know," Logan said after a while, not looking at his friend, yet still managing to get his point across. It was just too bad that Kendall wasn't in the mood to listen.

"Maybe not," the blonde singer seethed. "But I'm the only one who knows the extent to which Kyle can damage Katie. I lived with the man, Logan. I know how much his words can hurt, and I know that when he loses it with Katie, she'd be even more broken than she already is."

"You mean like the way you lost it?" Logan ignore the warning look from Jo and stood in front of Kendall.

With that simple question, all fight left Kendall and he just slumped against the wall, looking like a lost child.

"You're nothing like him, Kendall. Yes, you need to control your temper better but the difference between you two is that you actually bother to make things right with Katie straight away. You've been more of a father to her than he ever was. You've been more of a man than he was. And you know that," Jo gently said as she wiped the tears that her boyfriend finally let fall.

He stopped her, his eyes red and his gaze never leaving her as he said, "I need some time alone, guys, please. There's a reason I came here."

He tried to ignore the hurt look on Jo's face, yet admired her for the understanding she showed as she merely nodded, kissed him on the cheek and left. Logan, however, had something else to say.

"Kyle brings out the worst in you, Kendall. You were a mess the first time he left. You may be determined to keep that from happening now but at the end of the day, he is still your father. And if he wants to be there for Katie, and Katie wants him with her, than the only thing you can do is to make sure he doesn't fuck up your family again. Being rude to him or fighting with Katie isn't going to help. It'll just hurt the both of you."

If Kendall wasn't so mad, he'd have teased Logan for swearing. Instead, he just scowled at his friend, wanting so desperately to be alone.

"Are you done?"

His friend continued as though he hadn't heard his sarcastic remark. "You're not alone. You have us and Jo. You have your mother and you have Katie. Don't push us away. You're not invincible."

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

"Katie!"

Her voice shook as she ran towards her half-sister and hugged her, sobs racking her petite body as she did so. Surprised. Katie tried getting Cheryl away from her but the older girl's grip on her was too tight, too suffocating. What in the world was Cheryl doing at Palm Woods? Why was she crying? And most importantly, why was she hugging Katie as though they were the best of friends and not rival sisters?

"I'm so sorry!" the girl sobbed harder and Katie could nothing but try to comfort her as she led Cheryl to the couch. SHe shot questioningly looks at her brothers but received helpless shrugs instead. When Chery finally let go, Katie handed her a tissue as James and Carlos murmured something about grabbing a snack, although Katie knew they would be close by, listening on their conversation and making sure that Cheryl would not hurt Katie.

"Dad told me about your cancer," Cheryl sniffed as she held Katie's hand and Katie mouthed an 'oh'. "I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for everything. I don't want you to spend your last few months thinking of me as the bitch who stole away your father."

"I don't -"

"I want to make it up to you. You need to know that I am truly sorry and that my dad really does want to be here for you."

Katie took a deep breath, a smile gracing her face as the thought of her father truly wanting to be there for her warmed her heart. "I'd love to have you in my life. Both of you."

Cheryl smiled sweetly at her.

In the kitchen, Carlos gave James a worried look, having a nagging feeling at the pit of his stomach that something was not right. James, however, had his eyes on the girls, and couldn't help but notice how pretty Cheryl was.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

Cheryl returned to her hotel room that night, tired but happy at her progress. Five minutes after she had 'apologized' to Katie, Kyle and Kendra had walked into the apartment, both with forced smiles on their faces. They'd been surprised to see her at first, but when she shed some tears as she explained about how she wanted to be there for Katie too, they had both smiled at her. She'd been surprised at Kendra's quick acceptance. It was genuine and warm while Kyle had just beamed at her proudly.

She scoffed as she took off her shoes and rested her head on her bed. The Knights were seriously idiots. They hadn't even been the least suspicious of her. They'd accepted her almost immediately, as did Carlos, Logan and James even if Carlos did look reluctant to shake her hand. She'd get close to them, learn enough about them and then when the time was right, she'd break them. It wouldn't be too hard, considering that Kendall was half-broken already. He'd stormed into the apartment a few hours after she'd arrived, kissed his mother on the cheek, hugged his sister and nodded at his friends before locking himself in his room until she and Kyle had left. He'd completely ignored her and her father. The hurt look on her father's face had cut her deep, and Cheryl had sworn right then that Kendall would pay for whatever hurt he was causing her father.

It was a shame she was going to break them. If she was being honest, she'd actually enjoyed their company until Kendall had barged into the apartment.

"Hey baby girl," Kyle smiled at her and he set a cup of cocoa on her night stand and gave her a hug. A small smile lit up her face as she cherished her father's embrace like she did every time he did it.

"What was that for?"

"For being understanding of Katie's situation. I am so proud of you. I need you to know that," he said and kissed her goodnight.

Cheryl didn't sleep that night. Because for the first time in a long while, guilt and hesitance overwhelmed her.

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

"Gustavo, you have got to hear this."

"Kelly, I'm busy. The dogs have been distracted lately. I have to -"

_Hey Dad_  
_I'm writing to you,_  
_Not to tell you_  
_That I still hate you_  
_Just to ask you _  
_How you feel _  
_And how we fell apart _  
_How this fell apart _

"This is... This is amazing. The dogs did this cover by themselves?"

"I called Logan earlier. It was all Kendall."

"This is so going to be on the album. And Kelly, NEVER force the headphones onto me ever again."

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen**

"Katie?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

**Big Time Rush - Thirteen **

The next morning, a loud high-pitched scream could be heard across the Palm Woods hotel as James Diamond came out of the bathroom in only a towel as he marched towards the laughing Knights.

"THIS IS NOT FUNNY! MY HAIR IS NOT MEANT TO BE IN RED!"

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**A/N: So so so sorry for the long wait. I really am the worst writer ever. Please review to show me you're still interested in this story. Reviews keep me going and trying to updating as frequently as I can. Pretty please with BTR on top?**


	12. Chapter 11

**A/n: I love you, BigTimeFan13, BTRlover98, dreamalittlebigger, abbyli and NattieGirl99.**** You're the reason I'm updating this as soon as I can. Thank you from the bottom of my heart :)**

**P.S. This chapter contains a few swearing words so beware, i guess.**

* * *

"A closed mind will only lead to closed doors."  
~ Anonymous

* * *

James was in a bad mood the rest of the day, upset that his pride and joy had been tampered with. He'd been okay with it at first, knowing that it was on Katie's list but as the day wore on, and the stares and laughter he received started getting to him, he'd resorted to scowling at the Knight siblings and muttering something about revenge under his breath. Katie was not too worried about him being mad at her, he'd cool off in a day or two. Plus, she'd been able to check something off her list. It had also been a blast planning it with her brother. They'd spent all night making sure that James wouldn't catch on, that he would put on the dye at the end of the day and it was like their fight earlier that day had not happened at all. And for the first time in a while, Katie had went to bed with a smile on her face, happy and content.

* * *

Gustavo Rocque was not a patient man. That would explain his high blood pressure, loud screams that could cause any building to shake and him running after four of his singers after almost every session with them with something in his hand. Granted, he could never actually catch them, given that the four hockey players from Minnesota were athletic and he only went to the gym for business meetings with Griffin. Over the last few years, however, he had learnt to control his temper around them better, and had almost gotten used to their noisy chatters, crazy antics and unusual circumstances. Hence, he could not say that he was surprised when James walked into the studio with red hair and the other three dogs trailed behind him, smirks and amused smiles on their faces.

"I don't even want to know," he rolled his eyes and James stomped his foot. "Anyways, the reason I called you guys here today is to work on the cover of the song Kendall recorded yesterday. It was great but with perfect harmonies and a little more tunes, it could be perfect."

Kendall looked merely confused. "I didn't record any song yesterday, Gustavo."

"Yeah? Then what is this?"

Gustavo played the song Kelly had literally plugged into his ears the day before and as recognition clouded Kendall's face, he wondered why the blonde teenager suddenly looked guilty. His other friends looked shocked at the song choice at first but as the song played on, Carlos' expression turned into one of understanding, Logan's turned into one of sympathy while James just looked angry.

"Dude, if Katie hears this song, she's going to be so pissed," James says when the song was over and Kendall looked guiltier than before. Carlos stood in front of Kendall, as though protecting his friend, while Logan raised his eyebrows at James.

"James, he was merely -"

"Stay out of this Logan," James hissed. "If you want to continue with this song, then go ahead. But don't expect me to be part of it. This song, it's going to hurt Katie, your parents and Cheryl."

Kendall put his hands on his hips, ignoring the warning look from his other two band mates. "And since when did you care about Kyle and Cheryl?"

"Since Katie forgave them both."

Kendall rolled his eyes, somehow surprised that he was not as angry as he'd thought he'd be. "Please. I saw the way you were looking at Cheryl yesterday."

"Whats is that supposed to mean? She's a pretty girl."

"Don't make me laugh, James," Kendall scoffed. "I've known you my whole life. I know when a girl is a possible 'something more' to you."

"Okay! That's enough from the both of you," Gustavo raised his voice and the two boys shut their mouths even though they were still glaring at each other. Gustavo sighed and addressed the pretty boy of the group first, though he added in an underlying message to his lead singer too. "James, you and I both know that Kendall would never hurt Katie intentionally. Personally, I think that being the smart girl Katie is, she'd feel relieved that her brother is finally showing some vulnerability after trying too hard to be strong."

* * *

Three weeks after Cheryl had 'apologized' to Katie, she wished, for the millionth time, that she hadn't. Because every time she visited the Palm Woods, she felt even guiltier than she did the day before. Being with the Kendra, Katie, her father and the boys (minus Kendall. He always disappeared whenever she and Kyle came around.) made her genuinely happy. She'd faked her smiles at first, determined to hate Katie and Kendra even more for taking her father away from her. The only comfort she had was that Kyle and Kendra were only being civil towards one another because of Katie. At least, that was the only comfort she had until she actually started to enjoy spending time with her half sister.

Now though, as she slowly trailed behind Katie towards a hospital ward, Cheryl felt the old resentment return. Katie had needed someone to accompany her to the hospital to visit a friend of hers and since everyone else had been busy, her father had suggested them going together. Both of them had objected at first because even though they tolerated each other, it was only because Kyle was around. But nobody would allow Katie to go out alone and Cheryl knew that she needed their trust so she had, in the end, offered to do so. Kendall had looked like he was about to protest but a stern look from his mother and James had kept him from doing so.

James. Cheryl felt her heart beat faster just thinking about him. Never had she felt so intrigued by someone. She'd caught James staring at her a few times and when they locked their eyes together, she swore that she could feel her cheeks burn. Apparently, she had the same effect on him because Logan had caught them once and had smirkingly asked James why he was turning red. It'd earned the genius a whack on the head but knowing that the feeling was mutual brought a smile to her face. She and James had talked, of course, and she'd enjoyed every conversation they had. Her father had even raised his eyebrow at her once and Kendall made it known that he did not approve of their friendship. For once, though silently, Cheryl had agreed with him. James and her could not be friends. It was, however, another complication to her plan to get Kendra, Katie and Kendall out of her and her father's life and she knew that nothing would ever happen between her and James.

"Katie!"

A high voice squealed as they entered the room and brought Cheryl out of her thoughts. Her breath hitched as Katie laughed and walked over to a young girl, probably around Katie's age or younger, on the hospital bed and hugged her. Cheryl swallowed the lump in her throat upon the sight of such a young girl looking so sickly, so weak, yet with the most beautiful smile on her face. The next thing Cheryl noted was the bald patches on the girl's head. Didn't Katie mention that the patient they were visiting had brain tumor? Was that the same as cancer? Was Katie going to be looking the same way the little girl was? Cheryl felt confused when the usual relief that Katie would be suffering was not felt.

"Hey, Sel. This is my sister, Cheryl," Katie beckoned her over and Cheryl walked over and awkwardly shook Sel's hand, feeling like a giant beside the thin girl with small and bony hands.

"H-Hi."

Sel smiled at her shyly. "Hello. You're very pretty."

Taken aback at the randomness of the young girl's statement, Cheryl could only blush and thank her.

"Where's Blake? And why are you alone?"

"He's with Mom and Doctor Williams. I think they're trying to get me discharged today," Sel avoided looking at Katie when she said this and as Katie lifted the little girl's chin so that they were looking at each other, Cheryl suddenly felt conscious, as though she was invading on a private moment.

"Umm... Katie? I'll be at the cafeteria, okay?" she asked, crossing over to the door as fast as she could, smiling back at her sister when Katie smiled in appreciation.

Wait. Her sister?

* * *

"Kendall?"

"Yeah?"

He looked up from his lyrics and couldn't stop the usual anger and frustration he felt whenever he was in the presence of the man he was being forced to call his father. All politeness in his voice and body evaporated at the mere sight of Kyle and Kendall stood up from his position on the couch to move away, only to be stopped by his father.

"What do you want? Katie's not here. You don't have to pretend to care now. "

Kyle stopped himself from retorting and instead, pushed the box he was carrying into Kendall's arms.

"These are letters, articles and lyrics that I have wrote and kept since your mother and I split up."

"You mean since you left."

Kyle sighed. "It's up to you whether you want to see what's inside or not. But don't say I didn't try to make any amendments."

And with that, he left the apartment. Kendall could only scoff as he dumped the box under the bed and continued on with his own song.

* * *

"Cheryl's nice. Why didn't you like her again?"

"Don't try to change the subject, Sel," Katie sternly said and Sel gave her a small sheepish grin. "What's going on?"

"I'm going home, that's what's going on."

Katie put her hand on her hip and raised her eyebrows. "Then why do you look guilty?"

Sel rolled her eyes and as unwanted tears gathered in them, she looked away from her friend. Sel was Katie's age, yet (if it were possible), she was even smaller than Katie.

"Doctor Williams said that there's nothing much they can do anymore," Sel's voice shook as she told Katie and for a second, Katie felt as though she'd stop breathing. Sel continued on, "They're giving me a month. Maybe two, tops."

Katie shook her head, unable to come to terms with the truth. No, it was not fair. Sel was so young, only thirteen. She couldn't be giving up, the doctors couldn't be giving up. She was her the best friend Katie had ever had, one whom Katie had actually felt she could relate to.

"This isn't fair," Katie softly breathed and Sel just shrugged. "You don't deserve this. Any of this."

"Neither do you, Katie."

"Then why is this happening to us?" Katie cried and together, the two friends cried into each other's arms. "We're thirteen, Sel. We have so much to live for. Why us?"

"Sometimes life just screws with people who least deserves its' wrath."

Katie pulled back and wiped her tears. "You know, that's the same thing your brother said to me when we first met.

Sel laughed and wiped her face too. "Our grandmother told him that when she was diagnosed. Blake was especially close to her. He saw her breathe her last. Poor guy didn't speak to anyone for a month."

"Hey, at least she died with a person she loved by her side, right?"

Sel shrugged. "Maybe. But that's not how I wanna go."

Katie's heart ached that she was having this conversation at thirteen. Despite that though, she was curious as to how Sel wanted to die. Come to think of it, she had never thought about the way she wanted to die.

"I wanna leave quietly, Katie. With no one watching me. No one witnessing me take my last breath, no one trying to stop me from leaving."

* * *

"How's everyone doing tonight?"

Carlos grinned as the crowd before them screamed and cheered for them. BTR's fandom had most definitely grown over the years. As the boys had grown, so had their music and so, ultimately, had their fans. They'd changed their sound over the years and in doing so, had gained many new fans who appreciated the way they always put 110 per cent into everything they did, be it for their album or performances. BTR loved and valued their fans and it showed.

Right then, they were currently performing at their own concert and it never failed to amaze him how full the stadium was. He glanced backstage and for a moment, his wide grin turned upside down when he saw Katie and Sel enjoying themselves through their tears. Katie had came home three days ago in such a depressed state. Cheryl had been surprisingly protective of her (something that did not go unnoticed by anyone) and had just explained to them that Sel only had a month or two tops. That piece of information had rendered everyone speechless. If the sorrow they felt for a girl they'd only known for a month had such an impact on them, then wouldn't they be in an even worse state if the cancer did the same thing to Katie? That question was unspoken, though it loomed over each and every one of them like a gloomy dark cloud that would not go away.

Katie had came out of her room the next day, face dried out of tears, and demanded that they bring Sel and gave her VIP privileges for their next concert. They'd agreed immediately.

"We love you guys!"

"For our next song," Logan took over, "we'd like to dedicate it to our sister, Katie."

Carlos laughed when Katie and Sel stopped goofing around backstage and Katie froze. Her expression soon turned into a murderous one as Sel just laughed at her.

Kendall grinned as three stools were placed in the middle of the stage.

"And Blake here," Kendall grinned when Blake came out with a guitar and both Katie and Sel's jaws dropped when he sat on one of the stools. "Would like to dedicate this song to his sister, Selena."

The crowd went wild as both Sel and Katie were both dragged onto the stage and made to sit on the stools. Katie's murderous glare had no effects on her brothers like it usually did and while Sel had turned freakishly red from the attention and cheers she was getting.

"Tonight, the five of us would be doing a cover of the song, Beside You, from Marianas Trench. And like we said earlier, this is dedicated to the most special girls in our lives," James grinned as several girl awed at them. As Blake strummed his guitar, the stadium was in complete darkness until a bright blue light was shining at the stage, and only at the stage.

_When your tears are spent on your last pretense  
__And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense  
When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles  
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while_

Katie couldn't be mad a second longer. She smiled softly at Kendall as he took her hand. She loved her brothers for doing this. She knew that they were trying their best to be there for her, to make sure she was not deprived of anything. And she could see that, she really did. Apparently, however, for some reason, they thought that she needed to be absolutely sure. They were so wrong. She already knew.

_If your heart wears thin_  
_I will hold you up_  
_And I will hide you when it gets too much_  
_I'll be right beside you_  
_I'll be right beside you_

Backstage, Kendra could not have been more proud.

_When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath_  
_When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless_  
_When you try to speak but you make no sound_  
_And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud_

_If your heart wears thin I will hold you up_  
_And I will hide you when it gets too much_  
_I'll be right beside you_  
_I'll be right beside you_  
_I will stay_  
_Nobody will break you_

_Trust in me, trust in me_  
_Don't pull away_  
_Just trust in me, trust in me_  
_Cause I'm just trying to keep this together_  
_Cause I could do worse and you could do better_

_Tears are spent on your last pretense_  
_And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense_  
_If your heart wears thin I will hold you up_  
_And I will hide you when it gets too much_  
_I'll be right beside you_  
_Nobody will break you_

_If your heart wears thin_  
_I will hold you up_  
_And I will hide you when it gets too much_  
_I'll be right beside you_  
_Nobody will break you_

That night, the crowd's cheers were even louder as every fan stood on their feet and clapped for everyone on stage. Some were on the verge of tears, many were already crying as everyone in that stadium got a feel of the love the BTR family had for one another. An irreplaceable, invincible love.

And maybe that was the reason why Cheryl couldn't bring herself to stop her father from comforting a sobbing Kendra backstage.

* * *

Katie spent the next three weeks juggling her time between her treatments, visiting Sel and spending time with her family. It was not easy but she was most definitely thankful for Cheryl. Over time, the two had actually put aside their differences and had, in one way or another, came to a certain level of respect of the other. Though it pained her to admit it, Cheryl had respected Katie for her dedication towards Sel, her strength to fight the cancer and her determination to spend time with the people she loved and cared for.

In those three weeks though, Katie had watched her best friend lose strength each day. Each day, Sel looked even sicked than she did the way before. They tried spending their time together as though nothing had changed though. They joked, cried and even made stupid new songs and stories of their own. Alas, it was not long after she was discharged that Sel had to be bed-ridden. Too weak to move, to even lift her head. In the fourth week, she was in and out of consciousness. Katie had even stayed over at her Blake's place that week, wanting to be there when her friend woke up. She never did.

Sel was no longer the girl Katie had befriended, no longer the sister Blake had grown up with. She was a tumor patient now, spending her last days with her eyes closed and breathing slowly, as though she was about to stop any second. And when she did, she did when no one was around, in the middle of the night when no one was up and about. No one knowing or witnessing when she breathed her last and no one stopping her from doing so.

* * *

**A/n: Oh gosh, you guys have no idea how hard this chapter was to write. I am literally in tears. I loved Sel so much. Please review and tell me what you think. Plus, is it just me or does it look like Cheryl's having a change of heart?**


	13. Chapter 12

**A/n: To dreamalittlebigger, Natalie, cookiesandcream123 (love your name!), BigTimeFan13, and BTRlover98.**** You're the reason I'm updating this as soon as I can. Thank you from the bottom of my heart :)**

**P.S. This chapter contains a few swearing words so beware, i guess.**

* * *

_"Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go."_  
~ Len Santos

* * *

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Sel's funeral and Katie had not left her room unless it was to go to the bathroom or eat. When she had, she looked horrible. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she had refused to look at any of her family members. She avoided conversation at all cost and did not even notice that her parents had not fought once in two days. And though each and every one of her family members had wanted nothing more than to comfort her, they knew their efforts would not be appreciated, that Katie would just push them away.

While Cheryl understood that Katie needed some space and time, she definitely did not understand how the girl could just shut everyone out of her life like that. And so, when there had been no one home but her and Sel (she had finally gained everyone's trust), she did what no one else in the household had wanted to do. Cheryl banged her fists onto the door of Katie's bedroom and when the only response she got was to tell her to fuck off, Cheryl banged even harder.

"KATIE KNIGHT! OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR!"

"GO AWAY!"

Cheryl banged her fists on the door for another three times before she got tired. Well, if Katie was going to make things difficult, then Cheryl was certainly going to make things difficult for her too. She took her hair pin out of her neat hair, skillfully straightened it and started pick-locking the door. Her tongue stuck out to the side of her mouth as she concentrated hard on getting the damn door to open. She was so engrossed in her task that it was only when a familiar voice was heard did she look up.

"What are you doing?" James asked, his eyebrow raised. Cheryl rolled her eyes.

"What does it look like I'm doing, _pretty boy_?" she smirked when he cringed at the nickname she had given him for the past few weeks. "Why aren't you at the studio with the other losers?"

James rolled his eyes. He may have had a crush on Cheryl a few weeks ago, but she had been nothing but mean and insulting ever since then. "It's my turn to check on Katie."

Cheryl's heart sank and frustration crept into her petite body. She straightened her body, set her jaw and glared at James. She'd been working so hard to gain the trust of these people for the past weeks and this was the thanks she received? Their mistrust?

"What? Are you people afraid I'd poison her or something," she mocked, the tone of her voice surprisingly bitter.

"Listen, _Barbie. _You know as much as I do that you could never trick Katie into taking something poison. She's too smart for that. Secondly, what the hell do you think you're doing?" he nodded towards the hair pin she was holding.

Determined to get him frustrated, Cheryl showed him her middle finger, ignored how gorgeous he looked when his eyes widened at her not-so-ladylike gesture, and fiddled with the lock. Only a few seconds later, before James even had the time to open his mouth, the door clicked and Cheryl victoriously opened the door to Katie's room. Any hint of anger she may have previously felt vanished as she took in the way Katie's room appeared. She heard James' sharp intake of breath and could not help but feel the same way he did.

Sprawled on the bed, Katie stared at them blamely, her arms wrapped tightly around her pillow. Tears tracks stained her pale face and her hair was unruly and unkempt. Her room floor was hardly visible as books and clothes covered it. Her closet was opened, revealing a huge pile of crumpled clothes. It looked as though someone had ransacked the room.

"Katie, what happened?"

"I can't find it," she whispered so quietly both James and Cheryl made sure they were next to her when she muttered her nest few words. "I lost my journal."

That's it? Chery thought. She was a freakin' zombie because of a stupid notebook?

She must have voiced her thoughts out loud because the next thing she knew was that James had given her his finger and Katie started sobbing. The only words Cheryl actually caught was "Sel", "dreams" and "friendship."

* * *

If someone had told him a few months ago that he would be having lunch with his ex-wife and actually enjoying their time together, he would have spit on their faces and laughed and walked away. Because everything between Kyle and Kendra had been tense. They had both parted all those years ago without actually facing each other. The only time they did had been when they were officially being divorced. But right then, Kendra was smiling softly at him from across the table.

Ever since Katie had lost her friend, both parents had tried their best to get along. It had been tough biting back the snide comments and resisting the urge to throw something at each other in the first week. During the second week, after Kendall had stomped out yet again to get away from his father, it had been Kendra who had handed him a steaming cup of got cocoa and demanded that they talk things out. They did and the rest, as they say, was history.

"He will forgive you, you know," she said softly as she popped a piece of chicken into her mouth and Kyle merely looked at her.

"Really?"

"Yes, really," she nodded. "Kendall's stubborn, headstrong and to a very large extent, has trouble letting go. But when he does, and he will because he loves Katie way more than he hates you, he's compassionate, understanding and loyal. He's been that way since he was fourteen."

In other words, since the day he left. Kyle watched as Kendra femininely cut a piece of whatever it was she was eating. "And have you forgiven me?"

Her eyes widened, startled at his question. Slowly, her eyes dilated as though she was remembering something, only for it to be quickly replaces with a very small, yet gentle smile.

"Halfway there."

* * *

"Carlos, for the last time, we are not starting a food fight in Rocque Records!"

"It's on Katie's list!"

"Yeah, well, Katie's not coming out of her damn room!"

"Don't yell at me, Logan!"

"It's Katie's list and we will do it _with_ her!"

"Alright, alright! I just thought that everybody would need some laughter right now."

"You're right."

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"People do need laughter right now."

"Stop smirking like that. You look evil."

"You're being overdramatic. I'm not being evil. I'm just... scheming."

* * *

Kendall came home from a rough day at the studio to find his best friend and Cheryl shouting at each other. He rubbed his forehead, already feeling an unstoppable headache and grabbed a pot and spoon before heading towards them in the living room.

"She needs rest!"

"What she needs, _pretty boy_, is to get out of that room!"

"Stop calling me that, you bitch!"

Kendall stopped, shocked that his best friend would actually call Cheryl that. Sure, she was one, but the last time he checked, James totally had the hots for his half-sister.

"HEY! What did Mom say about the use of profanity in this house?" Kendall folded his arms across his chest. Cheryl rolled her eyes while James just smiled at his best friend sheepishly. He just turned to face Cheryl.

"What's your plan?"

"Excuse me?"

"What's your plan to make sure Katie stops hiding herself in her room? And don't bother denying that you have one," he raised his eyes at her and Cheryl just smirked. "Because of course you do."

"Dude, Katie needs time -"

"It's been two weeks. We've given her enough time. So, yes, for once, I agree with Cheryl," Kendall shrugged. "Besides, her next appointment is in two days. If we don't get her out of her room, she'd scream the whole time we have to drag her out of it."

"But -"

"Shut it, pretty boy," Cheryl smacked James' head and ignored the glare he sent her way. "Alright, so, remember Katie's list?"

* * *

_"Promise me something?"_

_"Anything?"_

_"Promise me that you won't mope around after I'm... you know, gone?"_

_"Sel, you can't expect me to be happy if -"_

_"What I mean is that I don't want you to be grieving for too long **when** it happens."_

_"But-"_

_"Will you just promise? Please?"_

_"No."_

_"Why not?"_

_"Because I'll miss you like crazy."_

_"You'll have our journal."_

_"You know as well as I do that a journal is nothing compared to you."_

_"I should hope not. But at least you'll have the memories, right?"_

_"Sel-"_

_"Just promise me, Katie. Please?"_

_"Okay. I promise."_

Katie hugged her pillow tighter to her body as tears slipped down her cheeks. She'd lost it. She'd lost the only connection she had to Sel and she felt like scum. How could she have misplaced her journal? The journal that contained her and Sel's silly songs, dreams that would never happen and pranks that they would never be able to pull together. It was the one thing Sel had left behind. Why couldn't she do just one thing right?

* * *

"Hey, Katie?"

Katie looked up, her beautiful brown eyes red and puffy and Kendra's heart broke a little more at the sight of her little girl. She poked her head through the door and smiled at her daughter.

"Everyone's eating outside and your brothers insist that you join them or they'd drag you in there themselves."

"I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat, baby girl," Kyle said as he stood beside Kendra and Katie's eyes widened at the way her mother leaned towards her father, an action, she was sure, none of them noticed. Nevertheless, she could not deal with her family right then. She couldn't deal with Kendall wanting to get her everything, with James and Cheryl fighting over the last chicken or with Logan and Carlos trying to make jokes so that she would laugh.

"I'm not hungry," she repeated, burying her face into her pillow as she did so. Not a second later, she felt strong arms around her and found herself in her brother's arms as he carried her out of her room. Katie fidgeted, yelled and screamed and when it got too much for Kendall, he merely handed her over to James. Katie grumbled as she crossed her arms across her chest and glared at everyone at the dinner table.

"Now, isn't this nice?" Cheryl beamed as she patted Katie's head and sat at her place, ignoring the way Katie had managed to give her the finger with neither her parents noticing.

"Hey, barbie, pass me the cheese dip, would you?"

Cheryl narrowed her eyes at James, really hating him for calling her that. She'd been mean to him for the past few weeks after coming to the conclusion that she could not get close to him. He'd retaliated and right then, the hatred was mutual. The only reason they were in each other's company was the other Knights.

"Fine. Here," she smirked as she leaned over the table and poured the yellow liquid over his head. Everyone stared at her in shock and James gasped as the cheese seeped through his hair and he could feel it on his scalp. Unsatisfied, he threw his chicken nuggets at her one by one and pretty soon, chaos ensued.

Kendall sprayed Kyle with his water through his mouth and felt amazingly gratified when his father picked up a bowl of soup. Kendra's cries for them to stop everything went ignored as Kyle threw the soup ontp his son, onyl for Kendall to duck and for it to hit Katie. The girl remained the way she was, too surprised to move, as everyone else started throwing anything and everything at each other. Katie only moved when Carlos and Logan came charging into the apartment, yelling as they sprayed water from their water guns everywhere.

She laughed. For the first time in two weeks, she laughed as she threw food at her brothers, giggled when Cheryl ran behind her for cover from James and hugged her parents when they 'protected' her from water guns. By the end of it all, all eight of them sprawled in the living room, the stench of food so great.

"Alright, whose idea was this?" she asked from her spot beside Cheryl.

"Kendall. It was Kendall's idea," James groaned from his position on the floor, his hand on his hair.

Cheryl felt her heart sink at James' words. It had been her plan and he was giving all the credit to Kendall? Great. So, she came up with a plan to bring a smile to her little sister's face and Kendall is the one who gets the compliments?

"It was Cheryl's actually," Kendall corrected his friend and Cheryl froze when she heard him admit that. "Brilliant, wasn't it?"

Katie hugged her sister. "Thanks."

Cheryl smiled. "You're welcome."

So, this was what it felt like to be a family. Cheryl couldn't help but think that it felt so freaking good.

That night, they all fell asleep covered in food, Kendall not caring that he was supposed to be hating his father, Cheryl not bothering to hide that she loved being part of the group and Katie? Well, she was finally healing.

* * *

_"You useless bitch!"_

_Cheryl's eyes watered at the sting she felt across her cheek, sure that it would leave a print on her face. She whimpered as her mother landed another slap across her other cheek, too weak to retaliate. She tried to stop her mother, she really did, but she couldn't. She froze every time she needed to defend herself. _

_"Mom, ple-"_

_"Don't start begging, you pathetic piece of fuck," her mother drawled as she punched her. Again. And again. And again. _

"Damn it, Cheryl, wake the fuck up!"

She bolted awake, drenched in sweat and found herself wrapped in Katie's embrace.

"What happened?"

"You were having a nightmare," Kendall said softly as he handed her a glass of water. "Drink. It;d make you feel better."

She nodded and drank the whole glass, not used to being comforted right after a nightmare. "Thanks."

Kendall smiled at her. "Anything for my sister."

Katie squealed as she hugged both her siblings.

"Thank you," Cheryl mouthed to Kendall. He just smiled.

* * *

**A/N: Alright, so Kendall has accepted Cheryl but what about the rest? And would trusting her be a mistake? Where did Katie's journal go to? And what about Kyle and Kendra? Review if you want to know! :)**


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: I'm back! I'm really sorry for those of you who have waited for this update for such a long time. I'll explain more at the end but I'll just like to send a quick shout out to DetectiveAtWork for triggering this sudden burst of writing because of your review. So this one's for you and the rest of you who have been waiting for it!**

* * *

"_Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them."  
~Bruce Lee_

* * *

He watched as Cheryl avoided his gaze for the third time that morning and Kendall raised his eyebrows at his other sister. Katie shrugged, the happiness she had felt from the previous day's food fight slowly leaving her as she continued thinking about the journal she had lost. Just as she was berate herself further for losing something so important, a pair of fingers snapped in front of her face and she jumped slightly.

"We'll find it," James smiled reassuringly as he passed her the milk and Katie just returned his smile weakly. She nodded at Logan in thanks when he poured cereal into her bowl and brightened when Carlos strapped on his helmet onto her head. Sometimes, she really wanted to know if her brothers were on any medications that made their level of hope in them elevate even higher than in most people.

"Baby girl, don't forget that you have an appointment today at noon and – "

"Her appointment is tomorrow," Kendall interrupted. Katie inwardly groaned when she saw the stubborn look that Kendall had donned on, with his shoulders squared, his jaws tensed and his glare on their father never wavering.

"I moved it up, Kendall," Kendra intervened, putting her hands on her hips. Katie stifled a giggle when Kendall's mouth dropped open as their mother gave him a warning look. Once again, her eyes followed her mother and she had to conceal her excitement when Kendra patted Kyle's back comfortingly.

Her day just got so much better.

**xxx Big Time Rush – Thirteen xxx**

Logan followed her to the hospital later that day, having been the first to volunteer before Kendall had even opened his mouth. The intelligent singer had avoided looking at the overprotective brother, knowing that if he did, he would have felt guilty. The rest of the guys had gone to the studio for the record of their new song and since Logan had already done his part a few days ago, he was the only one available after all.

"What are you thinking about?"

He stopped walking and looked down at her, his heart breaking at the innocence in those beautiful brown eyes. Katie had always been small, always been shorter than him and every time he allowed his thoughts to drift off to how much smaller she was getting – and how much weaker . He can't help but go to sleep every night with the thought of what tomorrow might bring for her.

And more often than he liked, he thought about Sel and how she had died with no one near her, no one to witness her last breath. Would Katie leave them the same way? He shook himself out of his thoughts when Katie just stared at him and he shrugged, not at all wanting to share his recent thoughts with her.

"About how the others are probably giving Gustavo a hard time since they want to leave the studio ASAP," he grinned and Katie smiled weakly. Sighing, he put his hands on her shoulders, effectively stopping her, and raised her chin so that she would look at him. "What are you thinking about?"

"You sure you want to know?" the thirteen-year-old asked, her voice suddenly soft and her eyes even sadder than they already were. Logan nodded, his heart aching as she gathered her thoughts, so strong yet so broken. "I don't wanna die, Logan."

Her statement paralyzed him, his eyes going wide as he looked at her. She was so vulnerable right then as she looked to the ground again, fat tears hitting the concrete floor they were standing on. Bile rose up to his throat and he forced it down into his stomach. Vomiting in front of Katie would just upset her. "I don't want you to die either."

He took her hand and led her to the nearest bench, sitting down beside her as he thought about what he could possibly say to comfort her. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her bony structure and kissed the top of her head when she buried her head into his chest.

Life really was not fair, he could not help but think. There were so many bad people out there who did bad things and made other people's lives miserable. So why then did they get to live their lives when good people, good children like Katie, suffer and experience the possibility of having an expiry date way before theirs?

It wasn't fair. It was not fair at all.

"I'm not going to," she muttered minutes later and Logan stared at her in surprise, caught off guard by the sudden conviction in her voice. "Sel fought for her life till the end and that is what I'm going to do too. I'm going to get better, go back to school, get my degree and be the best damn manager in Hollywood. I still have time."

Logan nodded, too overwhelmed by her sudden zest. "Alright. Plus, we need you around to keep all our asses in line. As awesome as Mama Knight is, she's just too nice to be as scary as you."

Katie rolled her eyes at that and gave him a sweet smile that had been missing for too damn long.

**xxx Big Time Rush – Thirteen xxx**

"Tell me about Cheryl."

His sons' request, though rudely demanding, made him jump in his seat and Kyle raised his eyebrow at Kendall. The teenage singer crossed his arms across his chest, his jaw clenched as he glared at his father.

"Excuse me?"

"Tell me about Cheryl," Kendall repeated. When Kyle just continued staring at him, unsure of what he really wanted to know, the nineteen-year-old rolled his eyes and dumped the box in front of him. "I don't wanna learn about why you left from contents of a box. I wanna hear it from you."

"You're willing to hear me out?" Kyle questioned warily.

"What was so special about her that you left us, Kyle?" Kendall asked softly, hurt clouding his eyes as he stared at his father. There was no anger behind his words, no resentment, but there was a tired and dejected frown on his face. "What was so important that you left us without a note? I know about you cheating on Mom. But for years, I've wondered about why you couldn't have just called us or came back on your knees to beg for her forgiveness. Because I'm sure as hell that she would have forgiven you."

Kyle stared at the boy – no, the man – in front of him and felt his heart break at the look Kendall was sending his way. He made to take Kendall's hand, to squeeze it and reassure him that everything was going to be okay but stopped himself just in time. He sighed and gave his son the most honest answer he had given anyone since he left his family all those years ago.

"It's because I couldn't forgive myself, Kendall," he said softly and when he saw that his son was still there, still waiting for an explanation, he continued. "You know that I cheated on Kendra. You know I have an illegitimate daughter. What you don't know is that I couldn't forgive myself for betraying your mother the way I did, for hurting the people who meant the most to me."

"So instead you hurt us even more by leaving?" Kendall's voice shook as once again, the hatred and anger that he had always directed at Kyle returned. Kyle nodded his head miserably.

"I know now that that was stupid," his voice was filled with remorse and as he swiped his hand across his tired face, Kendall noticed how old his father looked. "But at that time, it seemed like the right thing to do. I felt like I didn't deserve your mother, like I didn't deserve you and Katie. Honestly, I'd been thinking of leaving even before I knew about Cheryl."

His shoulders slumped, and Kendall forced the tears that were threatening to fall back into his eyes. All this while he had thought that the reason his father left was because of Cheryl, was because his stepsister had been born. He was wrong. All this while, his father had always been a weak man, and he never was the strong man that he had once looked up to. He never would be again.

"And then I found out about Cheryl. I found out about how her mother, Starla, had died, and that Cheryl had been abused and mistreated the whole time I was absent from her life, I knew I had to make things right. I had to be her family, Kendall."

"And you thought that being her family meant that you had to forgo ours?"

"I was a coward, Kendall," Kyle's voice had taken a desperate tone to it and Kendall made to get up. "I was so overcome with guilt that I didn't realise how I could have made it worked. So after everything I heard about Cheryl, I thought that the best thing for me to do was leave. I couldn't look you in the eyes and tell you what I'd done, what my affair had resulted in. I was – "

"A coward," Kendall whispered and he looked at his father, disgust and shame clouding his features. "You were my hero, Dad. You were everything to me, to Katie and to Mom. And you left."

"Kendall, please. I'm sor – "

"You know what really pissed me off though?" Kendall kicked the chair backwards as he glared at his father. "You never bothered to come back and check on us. For so long after you left, I went to sleep hearing my mother cry because of you. I had to come up with a hundred different ways of telling Katie that you were gone without her crying and I failed most of the time cause she cried for you anyway. I hated Cheryl because I thought that she took you away from us but all this while, she was just your way out of this family."

"I'm sorry, Kendall."

"Well, I don't forgive you!" Kendall shouted as he stepped away. "And I never will."

The tears were freely streaming down his face now, and he wanted nothing more than to throw his father out of his apartment. Instead, he shoved past Kyle, ignoring his father's cries and ran away from Palm Woods as fast as he could, missing the two figures he had passed on the way out.

**xxx Thirteen xxx**

As Kendall rushed past them, Cheryl closed her eyes and sucked her tears in and tensed when she felt James' arms around her. She pushed him away gently and marched into the apartment, giving her father a wounded look.

"Dad, I'm sorry," she said softly and her father looked at he questioningly. "If I hadn't been born, none of this would happen."

"Cheryl, don't be silly," Kyle gave her a tired smile as he took her hand, hugging her. "If you hadn't been born, I wouldn't have been blessed with another daughter that loved me."

"But then you wouldn't be having these problems with Kendall and Kendra," she mumbled. Not for the first time since she arrived, Cheryl found that she meant what she was saying. All this while, she had seen them as the bad guys, the ones who were trying to tear up her family. After hearing the conversation her father and stepbrother just had though, Cheryl knew that whatever lies her mother had been telling her about them were just that. Lies. If anything, they were even more broken than she was.

"They'll forgive me," Kyle said but Cheryl could detect the hesitance in his voice. Behind Kyle, James snorted and Cheryl resisted the urge to show him her middle finger in front of her father. Kyle pretended to ignore James' snort, kissed his daughter's forehead and walked out of the apartment.

Silence reigned the apartment for a whole two seconds before James raised his eyes at her.

"What?"

"You really think these problems wouldn't have existed if you hadn't been born?"

Cheryl shrugged. "My mother always said I was a waste of space who brought nothing but trouble anyways."

She watched as surprise clouded his features and slowly, his face took on a softer look.

"Well, you're not."

"I don't need your pity, James," she rolled her eyes and made to walk out of the apartment, stopping when she felt his strong grip around her. "Let go of me, pretty boy."

Instead, he spun her around. For the first time since they met, James was looking at her seriously, his handsome facing donning on a strong yet caring look. Her heart raced as he brought her closer to her, and Cheryl could not help but notice how his pretty his eyes were.

"You're not a waste of space, Cheryl," his voice was soft, and he was speaking to her as though she was a delicate creature. It felt weirdly nice. "You were the one who brought a smile to Katie's face yesterday after the rest of us failed to. You're smart and honestly? You're beautiful."

"James," she whispered his name and wrapped her arms around his neck when he put his on her waist, drawing her closer to him.

"I don't know what your mother said to you all those years ago," he continued and nothing but the truth shone from his eyes. Cheryl knew that he was meaning every single word he was saying. "But if it involves you being anything but perfect the way you are, then she was wrong."

"She used to say that she couldn't stand looking at me because it was like looking at an ogre's baby," she admitted, not knowing why she was still hanging on to James. Why wasn't she pushing him away? Why wasn't she mocking him for being such a girl about such seemingly sensitive issues? Why was she enjoying the feel of his arms around her, the way he was so close to her right then?

"You're beautiful," he repeated and he looked at her, his eyes never leaving her face and Cheryl felt herself leaning in. Slowly, they were only mere inches away from each other. It was as though everything was going in slow motion, even though her heart was racing a million times faster. She closed her eyes, smiling as their lips touched.

It was as though fireworks had exploded between them. The kiss was gentle as first, as though they were testing each other. When neither pulled away, it became more intense as they held on tightly to each other. It was as though they were letting go of whatever force had repelled them from each other in the first place.

They parted eventually, and when their eyes met again, they smiled.

**xxx Thirteen xxx**

Katie laughed as Logan stammered while talking to Camille. Honestly, their relationship annoyed and confused her. She had already lost count of the number of times they had broken up before making up again.

"If you two are done flirting with each other," she drawled and the two older teenagers blushed. "I'm gonna go up to the apartment. Logan, you can stay here because I no longer require your services."

Both Logan and Camille chuckled at her and as Camille laced her fingers through Logan's, Katie gave them a wave and walked away, not missing Logan's appreciative nod. As she walked into the apartment, she grinned and inwardly squealed at the sight on the couch.

James and Cheryl were asleep, his arm around her shoulders as her head rested on his chest. Looks like there was another crossed from her list. She made her way to the kitchen, stopping when she saw a white box on the table. Shrugging and not really caring whose it was, she opened the box, her eyes widening as she took in the sight of the stack of letters, as well as the many pictures in it. AS quietly as she could, she made her way to her bedroom and locked the door before opening the box.

There were all kinds of pictures in it. There was one of Katie at school in first grade at her old school in Minnesota. There was another of Kendall at the supermarket he used to work at, his work apron around his waist as he helped a customer. Another picture showed her mother at her old waitress job, her hair frazzled and her eyes tired as she took orders from an old couple.

As Katie dug through the boxes, there were even more pictures of them. What puzzled her though, was that she had never seen these pictures before and they looked so candidly taken. There were even newspaper and magazine articles about Big Time Rush. Even more confused than before, Katie picked up the letters in the box, almost missing the post it that had been pasted at the top of it.

_Kendall,_

_In these box are the letters I never could send to you, Kendra or Katie. There are also other things that might puzzle you so you know you can come to me if you need anything. You will never know how truly sorry I am for all the mistakes I have made. _

_Your father_

Katie gulped as she shakily opened the first letter. It was dated five years, not long after Kyle had left them.

_Dear Kendra, _

_I know that you are terribly angry and hurt because of my actions. You will never know how sorry I am for doing this. I know that leaving was not the right choice but I can no longer face how strong you are and how weak I am. Please know that I am not leaving because of anything you've done wrong, but rather, it is because of what I've done. _

_I can no longer look at you without feeling guilty, no longer look at Kendall without the thought of having to tell him that I am not the hero he and his friends thought I was. I definitely cannot look at Katie without thinking of the child I had unwittingly abandoned. I'm so sorry. _

_Your husband  
Kyle_

Katie choked back a sob as she took another letter, this time addressed to her and dated two years ago, exactly on her eleventh birthday.

_My dead Katie,_

_You called me an hour ago but I was too busy with my client to come to the phone. I wanted to call you back but the thought of hearing either Kendra or Kendall's voice makes my knees go weak. You'll probably be disgusted at how weak your old man is, but I've learnt to accept that I would be nothing more than a failure to you, Kendra and Kendall. Anyways, let's not make this about me, eh? _

_First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You know you only turn eleven once and this is definitely a big step for you. From what I've heard and seen, you're a little troublemaker and I guess that's okay because it means that your innocence hasn't been tainted. It means that you've been protected and I have no doubt that it's because of your brother. _

_He's grown up to be such a strong man. I know this is most probably because of me leaving but he really has become a son to be proud of. From what I've heard and seen, he's fiercely protective of you and baby girl, you are so lucky to have him. Please don't ever forget that. _

_I miss your mom everyday too. So much that I can't put it in words. _

_And I miss and love you, Katie. I'm sorry that I haven't been there for the past three years. I'm sorry that other kids probably tease you in school about not having a father. I'm sorry that I'm not there. _

_You, Cheryl, your mother and brother mean the world to me, Katie. I know at times you question it, but it is so very true. And now as I think about sending this letter, I cannot help but not want to send it any longer. I don't want to get your hopes us, Katie. I'm no longer the man I was before I left. I'm no longer the hero, the father or the protector. Those roles have been taken over by Kendall now. _

_And that is why I'm probably never going to send this letter to you. _

_Love,  
Your father_

As she kept on reading, her heart broke even more for her father. The letters were all either addressed to her, her mother or Kendall. She only read the ones addressed to her though and as she kept on reading, she realised how sorry her father really was. Yes, he was no longer the hero but he was still her father. She still loved him despite his faults and if these letters were making her see her fathers' sight of things, then maybe it would do the same for her mother and brother. And so, when she read the last of the letters addressed to her, she wiped her eyes, took a minute to compose herself and went to place the letters in Kendra and Kendall's room.

Maybe, they'd be able to see that Kyle was hurting too, maybe even more than they were. Maybe, Kendra would finally forgive Kyle and Kendall would finally let go of the anger in his heart. Maybe, just maybe, Katie would finally get the family she had been craving for the last five years.

Those were a lot of maybes.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so I know I haven't updated in almost a year and I must apologize for that. Truth is, I'm taking a major exam this year and it's really important because it determines whether I get into the university I want or not so I'm a little stressed and pushing myself. I forgot how relaxing writing can be though so expect me to update soon because this was really a good stress relief. Also, please review if you are still interested in this story. Thanks guys! :) **


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